A traditional Christmas

One of our unique family traditions started at the conclusion of our first Christmas together as husband and wife. While un-decorating the house I was saddened to toss the pretty cards from family and friends. Instead, I saved them. Each day the following year, we chose a card and prayed for the sender.

Later, when we moved across the country separating us from our families, we expanded the tradition to include the countless letters, postcards, thank you notes, and invitations they sent our way. We re-read the message and remembered the occasion on which it was given, and then prayed for the sender. Birthdays and holidays sent the prayer basket overflowing, but even the “slower” months delivered words of encouragement from parents and siblings that filled our basket to the brim.

As word spread about our prayer basket, families and friends eagerly sent more letters and note cards. They coveted the moment in our day spent remembering them, and the onslaught of mail lifted our spirits between visits.

Creating new traditions

When two people marry, it can be difficult to blend traditions inherited from their childhoods. Our first merry Christmas as newlyweds was, in fact, not very merry as my husband and I struggled with holiday expectations. Making compromises didn’t involve only us, but also the feelings of our parents, siblings, grandparents, and extended family.

Like many, we attempted to attend all the traditional events planned by both our families. That meant two gatherings on Christmas Eve, two dinners on Christmas day, a large celebration on Boxing Day, and a variety of family obligations (such as the annual road hockey tournament) later in the week. We dutifully travelled from home to home, apologizing for the need to leave early at one and for arriving late at the other.

Reality soon hit home. This holiday hadn’t been about defining the traditions our new family unit would celebrate, it had been about the needs and desires of the extended family.

After that initial Christmas, we decided to choose for ourselves which traditions we would carry into our future and which ones we’d discard. Our first priority was honouring God – and that wasn’t accomplished by rushing from event to event exhausted, tired, and frustrated.

A sense of belonging

Despite the difficulties of blending family customs, Scott Wooding, a bestselling Canadian psychologist known for his books on parenting, stresses the importance of tradition. “Family traditions help to determine the boundaries of a family. This is vital to children because traditions help them feel more secure by making them part of a clearly defined unit. The traditions make them separate from all their peers and this gives them a sense of belonging.”¹

Similarly, the traditions we celebrate in our Christian faith not only differentiate Christianity from other religions, they embody our doctrine. They make us part of a clearly defined unit. The birth, death, resurrection, and supremacy of Christ are foundational and unique to our creed. Our holiday celebrations symbolize their importance.

The Apostle Paul places value on tradition when he addresses followers, saying, “I praise you for remembering me in everything and for holding to the traditions just as I passed them on to you” (1 Corinthians 11:2). And in 2 Thessalonians 2:15, he encourages believers to “stand firm and hold fast to the teachings [or traditions] we passed on to you, whether by word of mouth or by letter.” Paul understood the value of handing the baton of custom to the next generation.

The Christian church marks many important annual events with tradition and ritual, such as Christmas and Easter, when it’s customary to have large gatherings and retell the story of Jesus. Other traditions, such as communion and foot washing, are full of symbolism and imagery. They remind us of Jesus’ life, death, and resurrection, and convey the message that we should live as servants imitating Christ. These symbolic acts demonstrate that faith is deeply anchored in tradition.

With this in mind, we want to carefully and intentionally create family traditions. By doing so, we can stoke a flame of passion for Jesus and increase our children’s sense of belonging in the family of God. We can celebrate holidays in unique ways that will draw the family unit closer together and create special memories, while highlighting the true reason the holiday exists.

Three gifts

This Christmas, we’re trying something new. Jesus received three presents in honour of his birth: gold, frankincense, and myrrh. In remembrance of his birthday, we’re giving our daughter three gifts. As she grows, we’ll explain why we choose to give only three gifts during a typically lavish season. This will give us opportunity to reinforce that Christmas is about Jesus, not gifts.

This new tradition is about remembering why Jesus was born, not simply that he was born. So, we’ve chosen to divide the gifts into three categories: a gift that our daughter needs (a new winter coat or something equally practical), a gift she wants (our big ticket item), and the gift of a promise (which can be fulfilled anytime throughout the year to promote family unity).

For example, I may promise to make cookies a certain number of times through the year with Kaitlyn. She can redeem this promise anytime. Kevin may promise a certain number of Daddy and Katie “play dates” for just the two of them.

The opportunities are only limited by our imagination. We plan to include a promise about a vacation destination we know Kaitlyn will really enjoy. Both Kevin and I are excited to cover the Christmas tree with promises to our family. This tradition will serve to draw us closer together as a family while highlighting the purpose of the holiday.

Creating family traditions can be a fun adventure. Most of our family’s traditions have been influenced by people we love and respect. Some are based on a suggestion we’ve read about, while others are models of what friends have successfully done. Creating our specific traditions took a few conversations, a bit of reading, and some editing to suit our views and beliefs.

Some of our simpler traditions involve holding hands during prayer at the dinner table, discussing the best part of our daughter’s day and thanking God for it during her bedtime prayers, and mailing many of our daughter’s crafts to grandparents and family living far away. Our daughter is only three, but she recognizes that these things are important to our family.

Traditions don’t have to be big affairs celebrated only on major holidays. They simply require a pattern of behaviour repeated day after day and year after year that holds meaning for the family. God-centered traditions emphasize that God is our treasure and point our offspring towards a true knowledge of him.

1. Dr. Scott Wooding, “The Importance of Holiday Traditions,” 2005.

Stacey Weeks is a member of Orchard Park Bible Church in Niagara-on-the-Lake, Ont. She was short-listed as a finalist for the Best New Canadian Author award for a full-length manuscript in 2007 by the Word Guild and Castle Quay Books.