Trusting God in spite of

The call came while we were having supper. It was my wife’s mother. The news was wonderful – no bone cancer.

Prior to the call, we had very little hope. Yet, as my oldest daughter said, God answered prayer. I had spent the previous day at the hospital while my mother-in-law had tests to confirm the doctor’s almost certain diagnosis of cancer. I was nominated to be chauffeur because, being a pastor, Monday was my day off. So, I got the privilege of spending a day waiting.

I don’t wait well. In fact, I’m a very impatient person. Prayer is not meant for impatient people; it’s too slow and speculative. (Can I say that as a pastor?)

Did I pray for my mother-in-law that day? Did my wife and her family pray fervently? Of course. But I had also prayed for my own mother, who had been seriously ill for over 40 years. She was never healed and eventually succumbed to her illnesses.

While we waited, I warned everyone to steel themselves for the reality that cancer was probably there; that chemotherapy and radiation would have to be endured. I wanted to cushion the disappointment and prepare my wife and her mother for the road ahead.

Prayer can be very confusing. We pray and sometimes God answers in the way we want him to. Sometimes he doesn’t. Sometimes we’re not sure how God has answered. I’ve learned from my father, who is a lifelong disciple of prayer, to trust God. I call it trusting “in spite of.” In spite of God’s seeming disinterest. In spite of God’s seeming arbitrariness. In spite of my impatience. In spite of my flagging enthusiasm.

I pray because I know God’s intention is always love, mercy, justice, faithfulness. I pray out of relationship. I pray not just to change the world and circumstances to my preferences, but because I know God is intimately interested in all of who I am and all that encompasses my life.

In Psalm 22, David begins in lament, My God, my God, why have you abandoned me? Why are you so far away when I groan for help? Every day I call to you, my God, but you do not answer. Every night you hear my voice, but I find no relief. Life is in shadow for David and despair is his constant companion. He outlines his needs in desperate detail.

But in verse 22, the psalm changes dramatically. It’s as if there are two halves, proclaiming two competing realities. David shifts his prayer from lament to praise because he knows and trusts God. Praise the Lord, all you who fear him! Honor him, all you descendants of Jacob! Show him reverence, all you descendants of Israel! For he has not ignored or belittled the suffering of the needy. He has not turned his back on them, but has listened to their cries for help (verses 23–24). The rest of the psalm continues and concludes in this thread of praise and trust.

A cursory reading leaves us perplexed. What happened? David’s desperate reality hasn’t changed. His prayers pleading for help haven’t been immediately answered. But his perspective and his prayer are radically transformed.

I believe the answer is found in David’s relationship with God. His present is informed by his past. If he divorces his present from his past relationship with God, David would never proceed to part two. It’s in the context of relationship that both David and I find comfort and purpose in prayer.

My mother-in-law received great news, while my mother received no news. God was present in both their lives. Prayer was appropriate for both circumstances and people because both believed God loved them. And he does.

So I continue to pray, even though I’m impatient. I continue to pray just as Jesus did in quoting from Psalm 22:1 from the cross, because relationship is the foundation of prayer.

Psalm 22:1–5; 22–24 (New Living Translation)

My God, my God, why have you abandoned me? Why are you so far away when I groan for help? ² Every day I call to you, my God, but you do not answer. Every night you hear my voice, but I find no relief. ³ Yet you are holy, enthroned on the praises of Israel. ⁴ Our ancestors trusted in you, and you rescued them. ⁵ They cried out to you and were saved. They trusted in you and were never disgraced. . . . ²² I will proclaim your name to my brothers and sisters. I will praise you among your assembled people. ²³ Praise the Lord, all you who fear him! Honor him, all you descendants of Jacob! Show him reverence, all you descendants of Israel! ²⁴ For he has not ignored or belittled the suffering of the needy. He has not turned his back on them, but has listened to their cries for help.

Roger Thiessen is pastor at Westwood Community Church, Winnipeg.