Prayers for an accused killer

It felt like a seismic shift – learning the identity of the man charged with killing our daughter.

Candace, who was 13 at the time, disappeared Nov. 30, 1984, while walking home from school. Her body was found six-and-a-half weeks later in a rarely used tool shed. Her hands and feet were bound, making it impossible to escape. She had died of exposure in the plunging temperatures. There had never been a strong suspect, and we had been told there was little DNA at the site.

Candace at an early age

After 22 long years of not knowing who murdered our daughter, my husband Cliff and I thought we would spend the rest of our lives with this mystery. When the police visited our home in February to announce they had a strong suspect, we found it hard to believe. We were in shock when they told us the morning of the press conference (May 16) they had arrested Mark Grant, a man known as a violent sexual predator.

We were thrilled by the breakthrough in the case and found it easy to express our gratitude towards the police. It felt good knowing that Winnipeg was now a little safer for women.

It was especially wonderful to see my husband emerge from the shadow of suspicion and embrace the empathy and affirmation of the community. It was inspiring to hear our children, Syras and Odia, and some of Candace’s friends, tell their stories. It was comforting to see pictures of Candace, always bubbling with happiness and excitement. And it was comforting to receive the pouring out of support and encouragement.

But it was quite another thing to stare at the picture of the suspect, and sift through all the information now available to us for the first time. I’ve always said that the person who took Candace’s life, even as an unknown, had become like an extended member of our family. People were always inquiring after him. Now it felt we were meeting this mysterious member for the first time. And, I admit, it took me to very dark places.

In many ways this dark abyss was familiar, but this time the word forgiveness, which has served me well for the last 22 years, didn’t reach over the void. From all the stories I’ve heard from families impacted by murder, I’ve always suspected the word would fall short. And it did. It’s one thing to let go of revenge but it’s another thing to try to envisage living with this new truth. How does one live with this face now sharing the TV screen with my daughter?

It felt as though I was free-falling again. I knew I needed a stronger word than “forgiveness” to be my North Star. I didn’t know what it would be until late one night, a week after the announcement was made. I was aching for sleep and my mind and emotions were tumbling downward. It was then that I found the phrase, “Love your enemies,” in the Bible. Almost immediately the tumbling stopped, and the tears began to flow.

I feel like I’m beginning all over. I have no idea what this phrase means in practice. All I know is this love is something broad that encompasses, and does not negate, the fundamental virtues of forgiveness, justice, mercy, goodness, sacrifice, and peace. And it will demand much of us.

I’ve decided to start with prayer. I remember the first person who said they’d pray for the suspect – and the immediate resentment I felt. I wanted every prayer to focus on our family.

With this new purpose, to respond in love, I’m attempting to pray for Mark Grant. I believe in prayer and I believe prayer will lead us through this next stage – the challenge of doing justice in love.

I’m glad the tumbling has stopped even though the tears haven’t.