The lifelong practice of chastity

Real Sex: The Naked Truth about Chastity Lauren F. Winner. Brazos Press, 2005. 176 pages.

The Thrill of the Chaste: Finding Fulfillment While Keeping Your Clothes On Dawn Eden. W Publishing Group, 2006. 224 pages.

Dawn Eden became a Christian when she was 31 years old and because of that, the author of The Thrill of the Chaste, says, “I’ve experienced nonmarital sex and I’ve experienced chastity, and I know what lies at the core of each.” Eden’s range of experience opens the door to readers who have always lived chaste lives as well as those who made that decision at a later time.

She compares the voice of pop culture to the counter-culture we live out as Christians, calling the popular TV series Sex in the City and magazines such as Cosmo the mouthpieces of our society’s views on sexuality. “[T]he most challenging part of chastity isn’t overcoming temptations,” Eden states. “It’s gaining the spiritual resources to joyfully face day-to-day life as a cultural outsider.”

This viewpoint is the biggest strength of Eden’s book; we are constantly receiving messages about how to live, how to dress, and how to act, and we need to actively choose to live in a way that reflects our decision to follow Christ.

It becomes clear that Eden’s target audience is “marriage-minded single women” and she holds up chastity as a discipline that will help single women get a husband. Eden states that “before I was chaste, I was looking for love in all the wrong places. It’s only now that I’m truly ready for marriage and have a clear vision of the kind of man I want for my husband.”

Although there’s truth in the statement, this frequently mentioned motivation is a weakness in Eden’s book. Living chastely does prepare one for marriage but it’s not a formula that will translate into finding a man to share life with.

Same story, more depth

Like Eden, Lauren F. Winner, author of Real Sex, became a Christian as an adult and had a previous sexual history. The two women are about the same age but Winner writes with a greater maturity and more biblically grounded discussion of sex and chastity.

One chapter sub-heading, for example, is titled “Chastity as Spiritual Discipline: Or, What Chastity Has in Common with Abstaining from Brie.” This section of the book connects chastity with other spiritual disciplines like prayer, Bible study, and fasting. In comparing fasting and chastity, Winner writes that “the unmarried Christian who practices chastity refrains from sex in order to remember that God desires your person, your body, more than any man or woman ever will.”

Winner writes to both men and women, single and married. Chastity is a lifelong discipline, she says, that changes from refraining from sex to the practice of fidelity and the pledge to remain sexually connected with only your spouse.

Although both Eden and Winner focus on marriage, the reason behind Winner’s emphasis is different: “[T]he heart of the Christian story about sex is a vigorously positive statement: sex was created for marriage. Without a robust account of the Christian vision of sex within marriage, the Christian insistence that unmarried folks refrain from sex just doesn’t make any sense.” The first half of her book is a study in thinking about sex and chastity; the second half is a practical guide of how to live chastely as individuals and as a Christian community.

Chastity may not be a popular topic in most circles of friends, but it’s an important topic to study, talk, and pray about. As a single 30-something I found Winner’s book challenged me to think why I choose daily to live a chaste life. It’s so much more than “I know premarital sex is wrong so I won’t do it.” Real Sex should be read by singles, couples, and church leaders, for we’re all called to live out chastity within a community of believers.

Fern Janzen is short-term mission assistant with MBMS International, based in Winnipeg.