With a little help from a mature believer

Have you ever felt cynical? Have you caught yourself making sarcastic comments? In our home, we’ve given each other permission to challenge these offending comments with a “sarcasm alert.” As a frequent retreat leader, I insist on a moratorium on cynical or sarcastic remarks. While they often get a quick laugh, they come at the cost of hurting others. These comments are trust breakers and signal that something is wrong.

Cynical and sarcastic thoughts recently surfaced in my own life. A little searching revealed the problem stemmed from my own sense of inner poverty, from my neediness and lack of intimacy and connectedness with God.

With alarm bells ringing in my ears, I knew I needed to do something fast. I needed to invite a more mature believer to inspect and shape my spiritual life. It was time to renew a relationship with a spiritual director.

Leaders – indeed, all of us – regularly need spiritual guidance. Guides are especially critical for those with a “doing” orientation who may overlook the importance of “being” and cultivating a balanced spiritual life through the power of the Holy Spirit.

In our culture, spirituality is often thought of as individualistic, as something that happens between God and me. As evangelicals, we’ve emphasized a spirituality that tilts towards personal and individual freedom. Finding a spiritual director is about seeking someone whose personal holiness and spiritual maturity can help us pay attention to the presence and work of God in our lives.

Times when a spiritual director or guide is particularly important are:

When it’s time for an annual spiritual check-up. We need to arrange for a check-up ahead of time. Finding a spiritual director takes planning and follow-through. (Personally, I schedule an annual physical examination with my physician 18 months in advance!) Reflect: Who is the more mature believer I’ll ask to assess my spiritual condition?

When we’re plateaued, stuck, or can’t seem to move beyond some obstacle or barrier. Reflect: Are negative, cynical patterns repeating themselves in my life? Am I responding in old ways to new situations and relationships?

When we’re repeatedly asking questions about growth. A spiritual director can often recognize what’s hindering us. That individual can introduce habits and disciplines that will move us towards renewed spiritual health. Reflect: How can I be challenged to move out of my spiritual comfort zone?

When we’ve lost perspective. A spiritual director can point us back in the right direction. This isn’t about having our head in the sand like an ostrich; it’s about lacking the spiritual resources necessary for a new circumstance or setting. Reflect: Is my current connectedness to God adequate for the situations I’m facing?

When we have increasing responsibility for leading others spiritually. In this situation, it’s important to be intimately accountable to a more mature believer for our spiritual growth. Reflect: To the extent that I have responsibility for others’ spiritual growth, am I accountable to someone for my own spiritual growth?

When we’re suffering from boundary fatigue. Job creep is not a person we work with; it’s the tendency to pay attention to things that are immediately rewarding, while neglecting primary relationships and proper self-care. A spiritual director can help us cultivate sustainable spiritual habits that keep first things first. Reflect: Is it time to tune up my spiritual habits?

John Neufeld is coach for emerging leaders with the Canadian Conference of MB Churches, Winnipeg. If you’d like a spiritual director in your life, Neufeld has a list of contacts he’d be happy to share.