How I’m working at the challenges of balance

The pastoral trends survey reported on in the last MB Herald was helpful in noting the things that cause pastors to burn out or to leave the ministry, and all that goes with such situations. It prompted some reflections on my own experience.

Since leading an evangelistic music ministry in the mid-1970s, I can look back on 30 years of ministry with the grateful realization that I’ve survived – and even thrived – in ministry. I know many others who could say the same. I think it revolves around the challenge of balancing ministry, family, and personal needs.

How much work I do in ministry depends on my tendency to say Yes. Those who know me have suggested I should say No more often. Part of it is recognizing who I am: someone who keeps options open and is attracted by new possibilities. Myers-Briggs calls it the “perceiver” and I’m off the charts in the category.

My wife Val has a role in keeping my ministry commitments from becoming too much. I’ve struggled at “reversible thinking” – where one looks at a commitment and mentally works backwards, calculating the intermediate steps required. She’s great at it, and has become a resource for me. A certain amount of humility is necessary in order to listen to this advice, however, and I’ve had to put “quelling defensiveness” into my tool kit.

Balancing work and family has depended on cooperation between Val and me. In the past, she chose to work less in order to build a more stable home centre. That was a huge anchor for our family amidst my travels. I think too that my flexible personality helps me be fully “present” when I’m with my family.

I’ve had a support group for 20 years. Two guys, Al and Darrell, have kept me sane and given me perspective for the past 15. If I’m in town, Friday morning is a fail-safe date.

Personal retreat days at least once a quarter are a lifesaver for me. I love reading the Bible slowly, exploring connections between texts and letting them surprise me. I’ll journal what I find, just to enjoy the complexity and wonder of the Scriptures.

An adequate amount of prayer time is a must. Just like children need quantities of time with their parents, I need quantity quiet time. It relates to centring my mind and heart on the important matters, which also places my ministry, family issues, and personal anxieties into perspective.

I play golf and love walking, but it’s the YMCA that’s really made a difference. That’s a hobby with real physical payoff!

My parents provided great examples of people who understood the call to ministry, a strong sense of mission, the life of prayer, and the determination to overcome tough circumstances. They also both burned out in ministry and I learned the importance of caring for oneself, even as we care for others. I’m learning not to feel guilty about taking time off or taking longer to get things done.

At 53, I’m learning to say, “This is who I am, and this is what I have to offer.” Okay, I’ve also been working with a counsellor through our conference employee assistance program!

Balancing ministry, family, and personal life is a matter of hope and patience. We keep hope that we’ll do better, with patience for the days when progress is slow. Beyond that, I’ve been learning to rely on grace and what God has in mind for me, my family, and my conference work.

Romans 9:16 is becoming a key verse: “[Success] does not . . . depend on human desire or effort, but on God’s mercy.”

David Wiebe is executive director of the Canadian MB Conference, based in Winnipeg.