Peacemaking: Resisting negativity

A gang of cynics can upset a whole city;
a group of sages can calm everyone down.

A sage trying to work things out with a fool
gets only scorn and sarcasm for his trouble.
Murderers hate honest people;
moral folks encourage them.
A fool lets it all hang out;
a sage quietly mulls it over.
When a leader listens to malicious gossip,
all the workers get infected with evil.
The poor and their abusers have at least something in common:
they can both see – their sight, God’s gift!

Leadership gains authority and respect
when the voiceless poor are treated fairly.

Wise discipline imparts wisdom;
spoiled adolescents embarrass their parents.

—Proverbs 29:8–15, The Message

I recently read that it takes three positive thoughts to overcome the energy of one negative thought. So, when a group of people – a school project team, an office staff, a church board, a fellowship – goes “negative,” it takes a lot of energy to recover.

Some groups never recover. Some groups get to the point where reconciliation feels impossible and everyone just gives up.

I was reminded of this cycle when I read Proverbs 29:8–15. This passage talks about the wisdom of keeping peace and avoiding the impulse to go negative. The writer makes a list of things that stir up conflict: cynicism, scorn and sarcasm, dishonesty and hatred, lack of self-discipline and jumping to conclusions, gossip, not seeing reality, treating people unfairly, and acting like spoiled children.

Have you been in a group that’s given up? Can you pinpoint the first moment of negativity? What was the argument about? Who were the “sides”? What would you have done differently if you were the leader of the group?

Conflict happens naturally when people work together; it’s born out of our God-given uniqueness. It can challenge a group to think creatively about a solution. Conflict doesn’t destroy relationships; it’s how we handle conflict that wreaks destruction.

The gospel challenges leaders to grow the wisdom necessary to counter peace-breaking behaviours. Wise leaders steer conflict towards enriching relationships rather than destroying them.

Sometimes, this means we need to keep people who are more interested in peace-breaking than peacemaking out of leadership. These people don’t live according to the spirit of the gospel. It may sound harsh and it’s a hard thing to do. But the health of the group depends on it.

We might ask ourselves the following questions. Which peace-breaking behaviour am I vulnerable to? What’s the root of this behaviour and what experiences taught me to behave this way? What do I need to learn in order to keep the behaviour in check? And, if I’m a leader, what kind of support and accountability would help me stay wise?

Nick Suen is the English pastor of Bethel Chinese Christian MB Church in Vancouver, B.C.