Bitter root or sweet fruit?

My coworker didn’t offer me the compassion I was fishing for. He gave me something far better: the truth. It cut loose the resentment that grew with each angry word I spoke against my husband.

As a young man, my husband’s dream was to open a music store. We had been dating for a few weeks when he had the opportunity to buy a failing store in our city. I wondered whether this was the best career choice for Wes because he’s quite an introvert. But it was none of my business, since we had been dating only a short time.

However, when we got engaged, his career choice became my business.

As the child of divorced parents, I was anxious to go for premarital counselling and lay a strong foundation for our marriage. Wes and I met weekly with pastor Brad and his wife for premarital counselling. We realized we were compatible in several areas and I breathed a sigh of relief.

But when it came time to discuss finances, pastor Brad expressed concern about the debt from the store. He warned us that many couples fight over finances and that this could be an area of difficulty. I was still too starry-eyed to think it might be a problem.

Ears to Hear was a unique store. Wes wanted to ignite interest in God by offering the best of what was beautiful and true in music and books. His mission excited me, but not his salary. He worked many hours for minimum wage or less. As the owner, he was last to be paid. Some months, he didn’t bring home a paycheck at all.

“Please get some advice about how to improve the store,” I begged.

At one point, Wes agreed to meet with a group of retired businessmen who did consulting to help young entrepreneurs. They gave him suggestions, but Wes didn’t find the suggestions helpful and didn’t follow through on any of the advice.

Our discussions escalated into a useless treadmill of arguments.

“The store needs to make more money. You have to bring home a paycheck every month. We can’t survive like this,” I said through clenched teeth.

“What do you want me to do?”

“I want you to do what it takes to make the store successful!”

“I’m trying!”

The constant financial struggles wore me down. I wanted a house instead of the apartment we lived in, but that seemed impossible.

In an attempt to revitalize the store, we moved it a few blocks down the street to a larger, more expensive location. It was a great idea but it didn’t pay the bills. The business started bleeding uncontrollably and we went deeper into debt.

Together Wes and I finally decided to sell the store.

Wes put up “Going Out of Business” and “Everything Must Go” signs. To top it all off, we found out I was pregnant with our second child. Now we really needed a larger home.

I was so angry. I blamed Wes for not being a good businessman. I blamed his dad for originally lending him the money. I raged at God for not providing when we were trying to do things for him.

That’s when I talked to Malcolm, my coworker at the drop-in centre. I poured out the bitter tale of our financial troubles and how furious I was with Wes for not adequately supporting our family.

Malcolm turned to me and said, “Sandra, no man can provide the kind of security you’re looking for. Only Jesus can. You’ve seen worse poverty than you’re in, and you’ve seen God’s faithfulness.”

I recalled the young men and women from the drop-in centre living on welfare or on the street. I thought of the teen girls trying to support their babies alone. I had a lot to be thankful for.

“You need to forgive your husband,” Malcolm continued.

Shocked out of my bitter mindset I went home and privately forgave Wes. Colossians 3:13 says, “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” I had been forgiven by Christ. Who was I not to forgive my husband? I felt a renewed love for Wes and a desire to support him no matter what.

Something deep had happened inside me but I didn’t know how to communicate it to my husband. That night, completely out of the blue, Wes asked my forgiveness for failing to provide for our family.

“I forgive you,” I said.

“You haven’t always been very supportive.”

“I know. I’m really sorry. I want it to be different. I want to be there for you.”

Hebrews 12:15 says, “See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.” While I clung to unforgiveness, I was missing the grace of God. I couldn’t see all the good things God had done through Ears to Hear. Wes had gained many new skills by running a business, including design skills that qualified him for the job he got just as the store was closing. That job provided the money for a splendid home with plenty of room for two kids.

I’m so thankful that Malcolm cared enough to warn me off the treacherous path of unforgiveness that leads to what I feared most – divorce. This August, Wes and I celebrated our tenth anniversary.

Sandra Reimer attends Glencairn MB Church in Kitchener, Ont. with her husband Wes and their two children. This article was first published in Pentecostal Testimony May 2005.