Good help for blending families

Living and Loving Each Day: Success in a Blended Family Dr. Henry L. Janzen and Susan C. Janzen. Spotted Cow Press, 2005.

Living and Loving Each Day is a very good resource and should have a place in the church library or perhaps the pastor’s office. Various aspects of building a successful blended family are processed through the eyes of a psychologist and his wife, who also share glimpses of their own journey.

The chapters “Henry’s Story” and “Susan’s Story” form an excellent backdrop to a well-organized, well-thought out treatise on blending. It is obvious that the Janzens (who attend Lendrum MB Church, Edmonton) have taken the responsibility of blending two families in a second marriage for both very seriously. They have thought deeply on virtually every situation in blending. My only critique is that the storytelling should have continued throughout, as most readers are impacted more by true-to-life examples.

The book contains not so much a “12-step program” as principles of building a blended family. While there are common potential problem situations in building a blended family, the authors remind readers that each family will have its own unique style in dealing with these challenges.

The book’s treatment of the topics of acceptance of family and friends (meaning not everyone will cheer for you if you choose to remarry), adoption of stepchildren (which could be tricky if there is a surviving spouse), and relationships with the former spouse’s family (which they call ex-laws) are especially good. Other topics, such as building a relationship, communication, and money matters, would also fit into a first-marriage setting.

There are many practical matters to consider in remarriage. These include where to live (find a new place together), which church to attend (find one that accepts your situation), and friends new and old (be prepared to lose some friends as they may be uncomfortable seeing you with another partner).

The authors are diplomatic when discussing the role of the church in tough topics such as separation, divorce, widowhood, and remarriage. The reality is that people find themselves in these places, and are then marginalized. This ought to be a concern, not only to church leaders, but to congregations. This book encourages the church to become more aware of these issues.

As more and more blended families join traditional church families, churches would do well to keep a copy of this book as a resource, and to give the book to remarried couples as a means of marital follow-up.

Ron Friesen is an insurance broker who was widowed in 2002 and remarried in 2004. He and Diane have 7 children, 1 son-in-law, and a granddaughter in their blended family. They are members of Fourth Avenue Bible Church in Niverville, Man.