Access, risk, breaking patterns

Leighton Tebay of Saskatoon owns PrairieFusion Consulting, which administrates the internet work at Bethany College in Hepburn, Sask. He and associate editor Dora Dueck recently talked by e-mail about internet access and this issue’s theme of “secrets.” Here’s part of their conversation.

  DD: In your blog column, “Pornography in Community” (March 22, 2003 at TheHeresy.com), you talked about access to the internet in the Bible college setting. Student access was only in “very public areas,” you said, but you still found porn on the machines. You wondered how much the problem would increase if access wasn’t limited at all. What’s the situation three years later?

  LT: Bethany still limits access. There are a number of computers in the administration building open to the students for internet access and a proxy server is used to track where people go online. Very few students download objectionable material with these measures in place.

What’s changed in three years, however, is the environment. The net has evolved from being another form of broadcast media to an interactive and increasingly social medium. It’s increasingly difficult to ask students to distance themselves from online relationships by limiting internet access.

Plus, the internet is more accessible. Via wireless or cell phone technology students will be able to access the internet, even in a small town setting, using a small card that fits into a wallet.

  So external control is almost a moot point.

  Yes. When I was enrolled at Bethany in the mid-90s we had rules against watching movies and set hours for watching TV. You needed a TV and a VCR to watch a movie, so it was pretty difficult to hide. Today someone could have hours and hours of movies saved on their computer hard drive. The changes in technology make these rules much more difficult to enforce.

In the past, Bible schools could create an almost monastic experience of isolation from the world. There is a desire to create a safe nurturing environment so that people can put down roots in order to survive in a culture increasingly at odds with our faith.

But in any environment there are also elements that don’t meet the standards of the community. Those who enjoy such things do so in private in order to avoid the disapproval of that community. Today the internet is a very effective medium for those who wish to indulge in forbidden pleasure.

  In your blog, you argued for full internet access for the students. Why?

  I believe the church needs to begin dealing with the issue of porn and sin in general. Pornography is particularly insidious because it takes something beautiful and perverts it. It blends that which is God-given and beautiful with that which is dark and destructive. Untangling the two is much more difficult than dealing with temptations like greed or gossip.

By restricting access now, are we avoiding a prime opportunity to walk with people through some very difficult issues? In my opinion, Bethany’s student development team is honestly grappling with this.

As Christian leaders we shy away from such issues. I imagine many would feel they can’t address the issue properly without becoming a hypocrite. Some may not want to bring up their past exposure to pornography even if they have found ways to overcome the temptation.

A lot of people struggle in silence. There are certain sins that just aren’t acceptable to talk about. And, it’s difficult to divorce the issue of porn from masturbation.

From what I’ve observed, however, guys in residence will raise the issue. They often have some naive ideas about male sexuality and porn but they don’t lack the courage to bring it up. A 19-year-old guy doesn’t have as much to lose if he were to confess sexual sin to a group of similar guys. Once they get married or start doing ministry, things change.

Many studies have revealed that a significant percentage of women suffer from an addiction to pornography as well. It might all be under the radar but I don’t hear a lot of people talking about it.

  It seems to me that what you’re talking about in a school setting is similar to that tension between protection/nurture and exposure/awareness many parents experience.

  Very much so. I’m a new father of sorts. I married a widow one year ago and now am helping raise a 10-year-old and 6-year-old. I find that I’m a little more willing to let the boys explore, take some risks, and learn from experience. My wife tends to be more apprehensive. Both our boys are adept at using the computer and the internet. The computer is very deliberately placed in the living room. I was raised in a non-Christian home and didn’t have a lot of rules about what I could or couldn’t watch. I find myself breaking that pattern with my kids. I’m very involved in watching where they go online and what TV shows they watch.

  I can relate to your wife’s apprehension. As our kids grew up, we had to let go so their lives could become their own. Now that I’m a grandmother my protective instinct is very strong again! Isn’t the external control of being “observed” something one might push a little as an on-going personal strategy?

  Yes, many of the guys have been very grateful that Bethany monitors internet access. If they appreciate it at school they will likely appreciate it in other places. I know of men who have special software installed that allows their wives to see where they go.

I’ve thought of suggesting a program for students to opt in to be monitored. By offering unrestricted internet, but giving the option to opt in to monitoring I think there would be a greater chance of establishing that as a future personal strategy. [See Resources, previous article.]

  In your work of monitoring, you must find yourself at the precipice of porn sometimes. How do you handle that?

  If I have to check whether a particular website has objectionable material I turn off images on my browser and take a look. Because I’m online most of the day with my job and ministry I have a large motivation to stay clean. Porn is a trap. I don’t want to live with that temptation.

I’ve become convinced that some people want to get caught. They decide for some reason not to minimize that window before someone walks into the room or they download so much stuff it’s abundantly clear what happened. I think in many cases people grow tired of living the lie.

Most surveys I’ve looked at found that 30 to 50 percent of Christian men indulge in this very destructive sin. It’s time we gathered the courage to face this issue honestly.

Leighton Tebay owns PrairieFusion Consulting and is starting a House Church Network in Saskatchewan.