The forgiveness problem

“We’ve begun to realize that not everyone forgives,” reported the professor of psychology. His remarks, carried in a National Post article July 15, were inspired by the infamous head-butt French soccer superstar Zinedine Zidane gave his Italian tormentor Marco Materazzi during the final minutes of the World Cup championship game.

The soccer matches were watched by nearly six billion viewers worldwide, so it’s not surprising that a major incident would attract a flurry of commentary. But it was forgiveness, and the lack thereof, that dominated debates around the head-butt. The French were polled on whether they could forgive Zidane for losing his temper and drawing a red card late in a deadlocked game. Led by their president, it seems most did.

Zidane asked the children of the world “who admire the game through him” to forgive him, but refused to forgive Materazzi for insulting his mother and sister.

The psychologist, from Alberta, remembered a loss in the 1986 hockey playoffs that Edmonton fans still have not forgiven.

The article used these incidents to highlight the broad scope of unforgiveness, but managed only to hint at the depth of pain and suffering involved. The fact that unforgiveness in sports is easier to talk about than unforgiveness in the conflict between Hezbollah and Israel speaks volumes. But it is the latter type that drives the new interest in solving the forgiveness problem.

What actually is forgiveness and its opposite?

The psychologist said studies have discovered three types of forgiveness. The first is other-oriented forgiveness, which we easily bestow on those whose approval we value.

The second is conflicted forgiveness. This has its roots in failed relationships and persistent negative feelings towards the offenders, and is “often conditional.”

Finally, there is moral/ethical forgiveness, “inspired by a desire to do what is deemed right and proper.” Not surprisingly, this category was discovered to be in short supply and also difficult for moderns to grasp. Because it was seen as difficult to understand, perhaps, very little was said about it.

The problem of understanding moral/ethical forgiveness, however, is not new. Peter demonstrated his failure to understand it when he asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive someone who sins against me? Up to seven times?” (Matthew 18:21).

Jesus’ explanation of true forgiveness followed (verses 22–35). “Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts . . . a man who owed him ten thousand bags of gold was brought to him. . . . The servant’s master took pity on him, cancelled the debt and let him go.”

Jesus’ parable demonstrates that, in fact, kingdom forgiveness is very easy to understand; it’s a simple accounting procedure. We have various ledgers of debits and credits in our relationships. Forgiveness cancels the debts owed to us.

The most famous account of debt cancellation in English literature is in Shakespeare’s Merchant of Venice. Merchant seaman Antonio owes Shylock the moneylender a vast and complex debt. The terms of the debt are that, in the case of failure to pay, Shylock is entitled to a “pound of flesh” from Antonio, from the area nearest Antonio’s heart.

The timeless story of Shylock and Antonio is a tale of cunning, not of kingdom forgiveness, however it does strike to the heart of our inner accounting mechanism. We all have a list of people who owe us their “pound of flesh.” Like Shylock, we have been grieved. We wait for justice, sometimes actively and sometimes passively, but – until the accounts are paid – persistently.

Jesus’ simple parable clarifies what forgiveness is. Shylock understood forgiveness and was not willing to forfeit his rights. Forgiveness for serious debts is difficult because it is costly. It relinquishes fundamental rights and benefits. There is no assurance that either the forgiver or the forgiven will benefit from this transaction. This was the case in Jesus’ parable.

The problem of kingdom forgiveness is threefold. First we must understand what it is. This problem, for those who choose to reflect on it, is relatively easy to overcome.

The second problem is acknowledging that true forgiveness is a virtue God requires. Not everyone agrees with Jesus on this matter.

But finally, the most difficult hurdle of forgiveness is the actual cancellation of debts. We all, like Zinedine Zidane, Shylock, and Peter, have great difficulty with this.

James Toews is pastor at Neighbourhood Church, Nanaimo, B.C.