Rites of passage

I had a cathartic experience 17 years ago in Washington, D.C.

My wife Julie and I, together with our 15-month-old child, decided to take a cruise up the Potomac River to Mount Vernon. It was a beautiful day for a long, leisurely cruise and the boat wasn’t particularly crowded. A young teenage boy came by our table and took a particular interest in Nathan, our engaging toddler. There weren’t any other teens on board and so the boy soon started talking up a streak with us.

I discovered that he had just turned 13. He was Jewish. He was on a trip with his dad who was a big-time lawyer from Los Angeles. This trip was a gift (turns out a bar mitzvah gift) from his dad upon turning 13. He could choose to go anywhere in the country he wanted to go with his dad.

Oddly, we bumped into this kid and his dad twice more during our trip to Washington. Each time, he would come over and update us on his trip and his dad would come over as well and we’d engage in some small talk. I could tell they were having an awesome time.

I vowed that I would do the same with Nathan and any other kids we were to have.

It didn’t take long for the years to roll by and Nathan turned 13. I presented him with a “gift certificate” explaining the trip and giving him “options” and “suggestions.” He chose California, so I cashed in my frequent flyer miles and polished up my credit card and off we took.

We travelled the state from Tijuana to San Diego to L.A. to Yosemite to San Francisco in eight days. It was a blast. We laughed. We fought. We hiked. We goofed off. We talked. We debated. We just had a great father and son time.

I’ve seen other “rites of passage” ideas since then. I know of one guy who made a scrapbook of letters and counsel for his son. Another guy I read about had different friends of his meet his son for a long hike during which they took turns passing on advice to him. Yet another idea was a “tribute” dinner where everyone offered “toasts of counsel” to the guest of honour.

I still like the idea I got from that little kid on the boat and his dad the best. The boy is now in his 30s and I have no idea whatever became of him. But a brief interaction with this boy and his dad nearly two decades ago sure did a lot to enrich my relationships with my own children.

Having a rite of passage event or two for any child is a great time to talk about values, principles, goals, and future plans. It’s also a great time to talk about nothing, just hang out, make a few memories, and pose for a handful of pictures – all of which may bond your relationship for some future moments of stress or trial.

Now Nathan leaves for college in a few months and another rite of passage will occur. One that will separate us and change us, and one that, quite frankly, I’m really dreading. I guess it also challenges me to make the most of those teachable moments we still have and not let the days slip away before it’s too late.

This article is distributed by Evangelical Press News with permission.