Dwayne’s Journey

“I hate it! I can’t stand it! I’m nearly going crazy here! For 12 years I’ve been pastoring! That’s what I am – a pastor. It’s my gift, my heart, my passion, my identity. And I love doing it! I’d do it all my life. It’s my calling in life. Now I’m on a medical leave. ‘Stop pastoring,’ they said. You can’t just turn that off. A pastor’s heart is not like a tap.”

—June 25, 2005

Dwayne Harms

Dwayne Harms, a 37 year-old pastor, husband and father of two, didn’t hide his frustration over the malignant cancer that took him away from his duties as he wrote about his struggle with cancer.

Unable to preach during his medical leave and frustrated by his lack of ability to contribute to his community, Harms needed a way to keep in touch with his congregation, family and friends. He had intended to post his daily thoughts and inspirational messages on his church’s webpage but his illness sidelined that project until he started a weblog – an easy-to-update online diary – from home.

Whereas most blogs focus on the daily ruminations and thoughts from a predominantly youthful point of view, and discuss relationships, workplace problems, and everyday annoyances, Harms’s blog, “Dwayne’s Journey,” was going to be different. Instead, he would talk candidly about an intense personal struggle, gaining readership from across the globe.

On June 21, 2005, a day after he had told his young children, Ashlynn and Tyler, Harms posted his first message, announcing he was diagnosed with renal cancer, which was in its later stages. He believed he would die soon but wanted to share his experience with whoever cared to take it in, inviting people to follow his fight with the illness.

Dwayne’s blog, like most, is equipped with technology that allows readers to leave comments on posts. Through this interactive process, Dwayne began receiving numerous comments about his writings. Other bloggers began to spread the word on Dwayne’s story and word quickly spread about his writing. Soon he had a large following of readers, who, for the final post, left an astounding 113 comments, or 64 printed pages.

“I was shocked,” says Janet Harms, Dwayne’s wife. “He had no idea that his blog would touch as many people as it did. He thought a few friends and family would log on. He never wanted to make it about the numbers but we were hearing from people as far away as Japan, Saudi Arabia, Bolivia and Taiwan.”

Born in 1967 in Killarney, Manitoba, Harms never set out to be a pastor. After several years as a welder, he felt there was a greater purpose to his life and started a pastoral internship.

According to Janet, however, he was a pastor long before he had a church. His colleagues at Flexicoil, where he worked, jokingly referred to him as “Pastor Dwayne.”

After serving at a church in Midale, Sask., Dwayne came to West Portal MB Church in Saskatoon as church planter, and then pastored the church plant West Portal birthed – Living Hope Church in Saskatoon’s north end.

Starting a blog was a natural extension of Dwayne’s open personality and a perfect place for him to relay his thoughts on his leave, says long-time family friend, Linda Kasdorf.

“He was a masterful communicator, he knew something about everything. His ability to communicate, both one-on-one and in a group, was amazing. He would always have serious life conversations and you would always come away with something to think about.”

His ability to communicate, coupled with the authenticity of his blog posts, is what drew people to his site and kept them coming back to read more.

Posting up to three times a day in the first month after starting the blog, Dwayne spoke openly and honestly about how he and his family dealt with his cancer battle. He spoke of his relationship with God, of his doubts and fears.

Dwayne and family

“Monday was the darkest day of my life. How do you tell your children that you have cancer?” he posted June 22. “There’s no book for that. No one teaches you how. We knew we had to. We cried. ‘How, God, do you tell your children?’ We cried some more.”

As the popularity of the blog grew, Dwayne’s condition worsened, and he soon entered Royal University Hospital for surgery. The resilient and purposive preacher entered his final post from a laptop on his hospital bed. Weakened after surgery, he was unable to continue typing.

Saddened but hopeful, Janet decided to take over Dwayne’s blogging duties.

“I felt his story needed to be told and he couldn’t do it anymore. I wanted to carry that on for him even though I would not have the same insight. If I hadn’t continued, people who were reading would have said ‘what happened?’ The story needed to have an ending.”

Eventually, Dwayne’s illness left him unable to read the comments left on his blog. Janet knew how much people’s comments inspired and strengthened Dwayne and started to print off selections from the comments section to read to her ailing husband. On August 11, Dwayne was still enjoying the comments through the haze of pain and medication. Janet sat at his side reading a few comments at a time so the couple could savour the thoughts and prayers of the many friends they made near and far.

At 7:30 the next morning, Dwayne passed away from adrenal cortical cancer, a rare form of the disease affecting less than one in a million people. There was only one more post left for Janet to make.

After some tearful contemplation, Janet finalized her words and announced Dwayne’s passing and the funeral arrangements on the blog. She thanked readers and called for them to post their own personal stories of Dwayne. Reflections and condolences poured into the comments section after the final post.

Weeks after Dwayne’s death, the comments are still coming in. Thus far, “Dwayne’s Journey,” a 56-day journal, contains 56 posts, over 500 comments, and well over 50,000 words, all documenting a period in a life that had an impact on countless people.

“The blog tells Dwayne’s story,” Janet says. “Our family has lost so, so much, we are eager to take hold of anything we can get to keep Dwayne’s legacy intact. . . . It feels good to know that someone you cared about so deeply was cared about by others.

“His DNA is in his church, his children, in his friends, and in me, because he has made an impact. In a way, the blog ensures that Dwayne’s story will continue to be told.”

This article is excerpted from the Saskatoon Star–Phoenix, Aug. 27, 2005, and is used by permission. Dwayne Harms’s blog can be read online.

Photos: Stuart Kasdorf Photographics