The dad crisis

That’s a sad reason for how I make my living, but it’s a first-hand indication that there’s a crisis among men who are awesome at procreating, but terrible at recreating themselves in the lives of their kids. If fathers did what they were supposed to do, I would be out of a job.

What is it about men who don’t take responsibility for the children they have brought into the world? Listen to some of the things I hear: Has never known his dad . . . attaches to men easily . . . sees his dad twice a month – court ordered . . . dad is an alcoholic, abusive, charged with assault, restraining order . . . dad tried to drown him and suffocate him with a pillow . . . father abandoned family when he was 13 months old . . . his dad lives in the same city, sees him once every 2 months . . . last saw his dad two years ago . . . father lives 45 minutes away – sees him at Christmas and Easter.” You get the picture.

Chris Harder, whose dad, Dan Harder, wrote this article, and watches him play.

Primarily I deal with boys who desperately want a relationship with their father. They ask their mothers about them if they can’t remember. A mother showed her son a picture of his father recently, and when he went to bed, he slept with it. As I was about to interview one boy for acceptance in the Big Brothers program, he pre-empted the interview by saying, “If you ask me questions about my dad, I might cry.”

Life can throw a vicious curveball at times. Things happen unexpectedly. Women get hooked up with men of questionable character, and biology takes over. Sometimes people make bad choices and the kids are the ones left to pay. But many times people can work out their differences either together or apart in such a way that the kids have access to both their parents. It is ironic that in many of the cases I see, dads have full access to their kids, but rarely take the opportunity. Why?

One boy is a star hockey player. His one wish is that his dad would come to his games. The man could, but he doesn’t. A man I know had thought about moving away to pursue further education. That would mean virtually no contact with his kids. Thankfully, he reconsidered.

Being a dad costs. It costs time, money and personal sacrifice. But what could be more rewarding?

My job is to find a man who will do the job the boy’s own dad should be doing – to be a friend and walk him through life’s rites of passage. The demand for my services is overwhelming. And it’s not just where I live, but everywhere.

So my appeal to men is: if you helped bring a child into this world, it’s your duty to help raise that child. Stop shirking your responsibilities and be the man and father your kids want you to be. You were created for this.

Dan Harder is the executive director for Big Brothers of Regina. He and his family attend Parliament Community Church.