Only today

My life had gotten so full, juggling a ministry, three teenage children, the house and yard, involvement in my community – and when was there time for me? I realized I was one of those people who wore busyness like a badge of honour. I was worth something if my day was packed, if I was in demand from morning until night.

It wasn’t long before my body started to protest and my family began to resent that I “gave at the office,” with nothing left over for them. This was definitely not the legacy they were interested in following!

Then I lost my job. Life came to an abrupt standstill. After I got over the lie that God was punishing me, the year I was off work became the best sabbatical I have ever had.

Isaiah 41:9, “I have chosen you and not rejected you,” became God’s healing word to me. I decided to spend time reading God’s Word, being mentored in prayer, and digging into many of the spiritual growth books I had always meant to read. I rediscovered community, building long-lasting relationships with several new friends.

Working full-time again, I have a new resolve. I do not want anyone to perceive that I am “too busy.” Too busy to listen to a family member or friend . . . too busy to stop and be aware of God’s creative hand all around me . . . too busy to call someone when God nudges me . . . and most of all, too self-important to clear space and pay attention to God’s voice.

The prevailing culture, especially the culture in our church world, sometimes leaves me feeling the desperate need to rationalize my choices. Instead, my desire is to faithfully and obediently respond to God’s loving expectations every day.

A prayer that defines the litmus test for my day is the following, by Therese of Lisieux:

My life is an instant,
An hour which passes by;
My life is a moment
Which I have no power to stay.
You know, O my God,
That to love you here on earth –
I have only today.

Out Front is a column written by leaders in our Conference. Sharon Johnson is adult ministries director of the Canadian MB Conference. She lives in Waterloo, Ont.