Guys with integrity

My struggle with pornography began when I was in high school. One of my friends thought it would be fun for us to get our hands on an adult movie and watch it. Motivated by peer pressure and curiosity, I nervously entered the store and proceeded to rent a movie that contained graphic images of sexual activity. I had no idea those images would haunt me for years to come, but from that moment on, a struggle began in my teenage mind.

Throughout high school and college, whether it was on late night TV or a movie I rented, I would watch what I wanted. At least, I watched what I thought I wanted to watch. I always felt crushed by the weight of guilt the next day and would vow to myself and to Jesus that I would never do it again. But sure enough, after a little while I’d miss the high I got through my eyes and allow myself to fall back into temptation. “When is this going to end?” I would wonder to myself. I thought that once I was married I wouldn’t struggle any longer.

A few years later I got married and, much to my dismay, the thoughts and the temptations returned. I would find myself watching TV late into the night while my beautiful wife slept in the other room. I would collapse into bed exhausted, telling myself I would never do that again.

Someone else

Time passed, and a friend of mine confided to me that he was struggling with pornography. I confessed that I was struggling too and we decided to hold each other accountable. It was only at this point in my life that things began to change.

We decided to meet together weekly. We began memorizing Scripture and praying together. We promised we would be completely honest with one another and with our wives. The conversations we had with our spouses were very difficult but we were seeking healing. We wanted to be two guys with integrity.

As we watched our own struggles dissipate, we began to speak with other guys about it. It wasn’t long before a small group of guys started getting together. All had decided to seek change in their lives. I had unknowingly become part of an accountability group. The more this group spoke openly about the struggle of sexual temptation, the more we realized how many others also struggled. It became increasingly clear that sexual temptation is a part of being male.

My struggle, and the struggle of my brothers in my accountability group, looks different now. Our sin, once hidden in the closet and done in private, is being brought into the light. The instances of giving in to temptation are decreasing. We are seeing victory in our lives. We have found healing and restoration in a community of believers who are dedicated to changing with the power and love of Jesus Christ.

Does this mean we are completely free from this struggle and no longer sin? Unfortunately the answer is no. However, we realize that by meeting we are watching this chapter in our lives come to a close. By God’s grace we will continue to see victory in our lives!

The author is a husband and youth pastor.