Marriage values need to be taught

“Marriage and the family are instituted by God. The church blesses both marriage and singleness and encourages families to grow in love,” says the Mennonite Brethren Confession of Faith.

The topic of lasting marriages is discussed in a research paper found on the Internet: “Why marriages last: a discussion of the literature” by Robyn Parker.

Parker cites numerous studies done on why marriages last. The findings are similar in each. “Lasting marriage results from a couple’s ability to resolve the conflicts that are inevitable in any relationship” (quoting a study by John Gottman). One study comes up with the following: ability to change and adapt to change, ability to live with the unchangeable, assumption of permanence, trust, balance of dependencies, enjoyment of each other, cherished, shared history; luck. Another cited trust, loving relationship, willingness to compromise, mutual respect.

An article in the Jan. 5 Globe and Mail, “North of 60: The marriage lifers,” talks about marriages that have lasted six decades. It states that unless current marriage trends change, this is likely the only generation that will enjoy that phenomenon.

When we hear or read statistics that say divorce happens as much in evangelical Christian families as it does among unbelievers, I wonder whether our churches have done enough teaching on the sanctity of marriage. Yes, it is part of our Confession of Faith, and yes, there are some instructions regarding weddings given to pastors in “Following the Call,” our MB ministry manual. Many pastors also do premarital counselling, but where is the teaching about sexual purity, about lasting relationships – “until death do us part” – in the adolescent years when our youth are forming their values?

The Canadian MB Conference Yearbook lists the number of marriages and divorces among our membership. In 2002, the last year for which we have published statistics, there were 378 marriages and 64 divorces/separations, up from 381 marriages with 49 divorces/separations two years previous. This is a .79% decrease in marriages and a 30.61% increase in separations. The highest number of divorces reported in any year of the past decade is 79 in 1998, when there were 387 marriages recorded by our churches. The year 1992 was not far behind with 76, and 2000 recorded 73 divorces. In contrast, in 1974 there were 386 marriages recorded, and only 7 divorces, while in 1964 divorces were not mentioned.

Many years ago we had a young woman living with us. For her, our marriage and family were an eye-opener. She had no stable marriage in her extended family; her parents and her grandparents all had been divorced and were remarried.

It is more important than ever, given the climate of marriage failure today, that Christian married couples model stability and commitment to the younger generation. And it is equally important that our churches teach marriage fidelity from the pulpit and in the classroom.

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—the editors