Spiritual direction: The gift of a companion in the messy places

There is a growing and exciting interest within the Mennonite Brethren conference around spiritual formation and its “weird uncle,” spiritual direction. With the excitement there is also uncertainty and suspicion, even fear, especially about spiritual direction. “Spiritual” seems too spooky and undefined; “direction” seems too controlling and dominating.

Perhaps it would help to define our term. Spiritual direction has two primary components. The first and foundational component is paying attention to God. The underlying conviction of spiritual direction is that God can and wants to be in dialogue and has initiated relationship with every person. A spiritual director, fundamentally, seeks to uncover and expose God’s activity and delight in another person.

Healthy spirituality has to enter the messy places of our lives, simply because these are the places where God is most at work. Too many people miss God because they think He is only in the clean and tidy places. Yet biblical spirituality believes God is always present and active, in all events. The first verses of Genesis tell how God created something out of chaos. The cross represents the greatest initiative of God to correct and redeem our personal mess.

I often get stuck in my spiritual pilgrimage. By stuck I mean bogged down by uncertainty, confusion, disappointments, hurt, fear and insecurities. I know this doesn’t sound very spiritual, but it is an honest awareness of the mess in and around me. And it wasn’t until I began honestly exploring these messy places that I observed noticeable maturity in my relationship with God.

As a pastor, I am noticing that many others are also stuck. Some have been stuck in the same place for years and haven’t moved an inch. Sermons, music and books have provided some leverage, yet most Christians have never had a safe place to explore the ordinary, simple, silly, reoccurring, nagging issues about God, themselves and their everyday reality.

If we are to find, follow and love God, a much more personal approach is needed. We need companions who will get their hands dirty and help us through the quagmire. Preferably, they should be those who have been through it and can point to God’s activity in those messy places. This is the work of spiritual directors.

Probably the greatest gift a spiritual director provides is to keep God and His great love the primary focus, not one’s narcissistic preoccupations. I am fortunate to have a patient spiritual director. He has shown tremendous love by keeping me attentive to God and less attentive to me and my feelings, desires and expectations.

I have been meeting with a spiritual director for the last six years. I see him once a month for about an hour. We begin our time by lighting a candle which functions as a simple reminder that Jesus is present. We have a time of silent prayer where we centre our thoughts on God. This brings our busy minds from 12,000 rpms to 3,000 rpms so we can better hear the quiet voice of God.

My director has never appeared to have an agenda, just a keen desire to listen to God on my behalf. He will often ask, “So what do you want to talk about?” I might discuss my journal entries, a nagging insecurity, a disappointment, or a series of events where God’s grace was evident, yet still a mystery. To finish he may have me prayerfully sit with a Scripture passage or a question for the next month. I often leave encouraged and at peace, having been made aware of God’s goodness in my life.

The second component of spiritual direction is uncovering our responses to God’s activity. Do we respond with faith, obedience, sacrifice and love? Or do we respond with a stiff arm, caution and suspicion? Are we even aware of our responses?

This area of spiritual direction is where our true understanding of God surfaces. It quickly puts aside the “right answer” we learned in Sunday school and the true images guiding our spirituality confront us. If God is good and faithful I will move towards Him. If He is stern and demanding I will keep Him at arms length. If He is just a great theological idea I will not enjoy relationship with Him. I cannot have relationship with an idea, only a person. Our patterns of responding are sometimes so entrenched it is hard to notice them without an observant, prayerful friend.

About a year ago my spiritual director asked me, “Cam, can you enjoy God for who He is without expecting anything in return?” OUCH! This wonderful question, when honestly explored, freed me from a whole lot of false expectations that had been weighing me down for years.

So to our definition (and here I’m building off Eugene Peterson’s definition): spiritual direction takes place when two people agree to give their full attention to what God is doing in one person’s life and seek to respond in faith, obedience and love to God’s relentless love.

There are people across the country who are trained, or being trained, in providing spiritual direction. It is well worth seeking them out. New and fruitful growth will take place through the help of these companions.

Cam Stuart is associate pastor of Mountain Park Community Church, Abbotsford.