Seasons of doubt

Last Easter, I presented a New Century Version Extreme Teen Bible to my 14-year-old daughter. Whether it was the crisp, lavender-scented pages, the tastefully highlighted passages or the easy-to-read format, my daughter got into some serious Bible reading right away. It was a joy to see her reading the Bible every night before going to bed. Elated, I patted myself on the back for wisely choosing this gift.

As I was basking in my success, my daughter asked me a question which brought me back down to earth: “Mom, how do you know God really exists?”

Before I could steady myself and clear my throat, she threw another question at me: “Are you sure what’s said in the Bible is all true?”

This is the girl who had been celebrating her “30 Days with Jesus Reading Plan” a week ago, and had even challenged me to join her on a “40-day Bible Journey with Paul”. Guilt was lurking in her eyes.

I wanted to put my arm around her and whisper, “Shh. . . . You should never ask such questions.” Instead, I found myself saying, “It’s okay to have such doubts, honey. Even I get them now and then.”

“Really!” A glimmer of hope glided across her face. Knowing that she wasn’t alone freed her to ask more questions.

When I was growing up, I too wrestled with some questions. Some of the Old Testament stories truly disturbed me. I couldn’t understand how a loving God could allow the firstborn sons of all Egyptians to die just because Pharaoh hardened his heart. What made Him choose Israel over all the other nations on earth? How could God forgive David, but not Saul? David had committed both adultery and murder, whereas Saul had only disobeyed Him in sparing the best plunder for burnt offering. It didn’t seem fair to me.

I never dared to ask anyone about these things, because I feared that I might be the only one with such questions. Happily as I have grown in my faith, God has given me a better understanding, and answers to many of my questions. When I see what’s happening around me in the world – poverty, sickness, war and natural disasters – questions still pop up in my head to challenge my faith, but I’ve learned to walk by faith, knowing that the sovereign God has the right to withhold the answers if He wants to.

God has blessed us with creative, thinking minds. As long as we think, we’re sure to come across questions. In our microwave age, we expect to have instant answers to all our questions. We like to breathe in and breathe out instant solutions to all our problems. If we don’t succeed, we turn around and question God, quick to point our finger at Him and blame Him for everything wrong around us. With our finite mind, we get frustrated when we cannot fathom the love of an infinite God. For some, this becomes a crossroad, an opportunity to turn away from their faith. Others trudge along, staggering at times, but holding on to their faith and trusting God all the way.

Knowing the vulnerability of each believer, the devil cunningly prepares his attack. A shaky foundation of faith, lack of time for God, trials and tragedies are fertile ground for him to sow doubts. When allowed to linger, such doubts bring about seasons of drought when we experience no desire to read the Scriptures or spend time with God in prayer. God seems far beyond our reach during such times. So, what do we do to weather such adverse conditions? “Do it anyway,” advised a guest speaker on a Christian television program. “Do it anyway, even if you don’t feel like praying, praising or reading the Scripture. Soon, you’ll begin to enjoy it.”

That’s what I told my daughter. “Honey, it’s okay to have doubts. But don’t get stuck there. . . .”

Before I could continue, my daughter interrupted. “I know what you mean, Mom. That’s what I do when you ask me to play my violin!”

Sulochana Vinayagamoorthy lives in Saskatoon.