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A dad and daughter perspective on youth and church
Personal not professional, real not religious

Roger Helland and Melissa Helland

I love youth. Not because I have three teenagers, but because I have respect for youth as authentic people with passion and promise. God downloads purpose, gifts and personality into these young people. They have a destiny. Does it ever occur to you that today’s youth are tomorrow’s leaders? In our classrooms and churches sit the teachers, judges, journalists, CEO’s and pastors of the 21st century. Today’s youth will shape tomorrow’s world. E. Pinto warned, “A society that hates its youth has no future.”

I believe that two of the most rigorous occupations in life are being a parent of teens and being a youth leader. Youth exude vitality shrouded in chaos and complexity. They present a mixture of grit and glory wrapped in noise and naïveté. Parents talk of “the terrible twos”. Wait till they get to “the terrific teens”! The number one fear of parents is not passing on their values to their children. The number one fear of teens is not discovering their purpose in life.

Youth leaders face the ominous challenge of how to attract, retain and motivate students. But would they dare you to ask youth for their opinions about their church and youth program? I asked my 17-year-old daughter Melissa, “What things do you value that would make church and youth ministry meaningful?” What follows is Melissa’s response.

Build relationship with us on a personal level, not on a professional level.

What I value in church members, but mainly in the youth pastor, is for them to get on our level. Don’t just talk to us or be polite because you feel it’s your job or something that you have to do or because you know who our parents are. I like it when adults take time out of their busy schedule to say, “Hey, let’s go out for coffee next week and just chat.”

“Youth ministry can be summed up in five words: Love God and love youth.” —Richard Crisco, Youth Pastor, Brownsville Assembly of God

The worship leader at my church and I go out for coffee regularly. I even ask her now. It’s cool when adults give me a hug and smile at me. It makes me feel that I’m valuable to them, that they aren’t way out of my league and that they aren’t lowering themselves to talk to me.

Have a sense of humour; be real, not always rigid and “Christian”.

Think of someone you can joke with – someone you can call playful names or say stuff to that you would normally not say in a formal setting. Now put them in a church. That’s what youth love. I wish Christians could take stuff more lightly sometimes, have fun and laugh a little more. Sometimes I think we make a big deal out of small things. There are times to be serious, but also times to be humorous.

My small group leader at youth has a good sense of humour. He uses our lingo, laughs at himself, jokes with us, takes us out for lunch sometimes, tells us stories, complains about his job, is lighthearted and is fun to be around. I love going to small group because he’s cool and makes it fun. He doesn’t ridicule us or put down our ideas no matter how far-fetched or stupid they are. We have good discussions because we can relate to each other. He doesn’t come to group saying, “Okay, let’s discuss what we learned tonight and memorize two verses by next week because we need to learn the Bible.” He comes with an open heart and asks how everyone’s week was and if there are any prayer requests. Then we talk and have a good time as we learn about God in a happier way.

Involve us according to our passions and gifts.

I have been involved in music ministries, playing piano and singing on an “adult” worship team. Our worship leader has mentored me, and I have become an aspiring worship leader, thanks in large part to her. She saw my gifts and asked if I was willing to try this ministry out for a while. I had never played for an audience before or sung until she noticed my voice and liked it. She encouraged me not only to play the piano but also to sing on the team.

Last year, I accepted the challenge of leading a youth band. We would practise and then play for youth twice a month. We then occasionally led worship for the whole church. I have been asked to lead Christmas carols and serve in other ways involving music. These opportunities opened up for me because one person said, “Hey, there’s a chick with a passion and talent for music. Let’s see how she does. Maybe she could contribute to this church with her gifts.”

I have recently started to get involved with kids’ ministries, helping out with a small group in Sunday school. Why? Because that small group leader said, “Hey, she’s great with kids. My small group isn’t that small (17 kids), so maybe she’d like to help me out.” You never know who the next Beethoven, writer, teacher or president could be. Maybe he or she is the young person in your church burning for a chance to make a difference and use his or her passions and gifts for God. How will we ever find our place in this world unless adults take the time to help us and open doors for us? What better, safer place than our own church?

Ask for our opinions.

We value being consulted in the decisions of our church. It makes us feel important. Even if you don’t do what we suggest, it’s still cool that you care what we think and want our opinions.

“What’s done to children, they will do to society.” —Karl Menninger

Our youth pastor recently developed a youth clothing line. He asked me what colours and styles of shirts I would wear. When the line came out, it was nice to see that some of my suggestions were there and people were ordering them. It made me feel needed. Maybe we youth will have good ideas that adults never thought of.

Develop creative, fun youth programs.

The last thing youth want is a boring youth group. Teenagers like to have fun because we are full of energy. If the program is dull, boring and serious, our attention span drops, we lose interest in church, and we don’t want to come anymore. One reason there are youth groups with hundreds of kids is that the program is creative and has a variety of different things happening each week. This motivates us to want to come and learn about God. One teenager comes, likes it and brings his or her friends; then they bring their friends, and so on. Part of what makes a good youth group is having friends there. Youth meetings are better when we have fun together. But how will friends attend the same youth group together unless one of us has gone first and thought that the program was cool enough to invite the rest?

Have car rallies, bonfires in the winter, retreats, snowboarding/skiing days, beach volleyball, scavenger hunts, dramas, PowerPoint presentations, videos and great music. Have relevant discussions and talks. Find ways to incorporate teaching about God into topics that concern and interest us. Free food and prizes are always a hit.

There you have it – a 17-year-old girl’s perspective on youth and church. One thing I love about youth is their honesty. Youth want to know if Christianity is real, not if it’s true. Josh McDowell said, “Rules without relationship lead to rebellion.” Dialogues work better than directives. Our young people need an environment where we will talk with them rather than to them. They value community before cause. They respond to authenticity before authority. Let’s look for the gold rather than the dirt. Inside youth are rich mines packed with God’s wealth.

Roger Helland, senior associate pastor at Garden Valley Community Church and author of The Journey: Walking With God, co-wrote this article with his daughter Melissa. The Helland family lives in Kelowna, B.C.

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Last modified February 14, 2002.

© 2002 Mennonite Brethren Herald.
Published by the Canadian Conference of MB Churches.
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