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Suffering turned into blessing

Semson Nip

I was a typical Christian. I loved my family – my wife, daughter and two sons. I served in my church for a long time, attending weekly meetings. I was one of the founders of the church and had served as a deacon for eight years. My wife and I had both been very devoted in our service to God, but I had never thought of offering myself full-time for the Lord’s service.


One day, my wife was not feeling well and went to the doctor for a check-up. The news we received was the most devastating piece of information I have ever heard in my life: “Your wife’s kidneys have lost 80% of their functioning ability. Dialysis will be needed soon, but a kidney transplant probably is a better option.” I kneeled and questioned the Lord as to why this pain had been placed on us – was it because I had not served Him faithfully enough?

As I was feeling depressed by my wife’s illness, news arrived from Panama that a new theological college was being established. From Venezuela, where I live, Panama is only a two-hour flight away, and the tuition fees at the college were very reasonable. Although this was a very good opportunity, I pleaded with God, “This is an impossible decision to make, Lord.” Hearing my prayer, my wife encouraged me to not worry about her. However, I could not make the decision to leave my beloved wife behind to go and study. Finances, family, children . . . I used these as excuses to bargain with God, to try to refuse the road toward offering myself for His use.

One night, my beloved wife said to me in tears, “Do not look at human beings as being more important than God. Everything that stands in the way of God’s path is an idol.” As I heard her, we fell into an embrace and cried the whole night, praying before God. I tried to argue with God – “I am an unworthy sinner. Why choose me to serve You?” But the Lord told me that what I had done in the past was not what He had envisioned me to do for Him – He wanted me to give myself wholly to Him and His Kingdom. I replied, “Very well, Lord. If You want me to go, I will go. I will submit to You and give You my wife and my children.”

Feeling the blessing of the Lord, I sold my business, and on February 10, 2000, I enrolled in the program. During the orientation, the new students were led in the singing of the theme song “The Way of the Cross”. I could not possibly utter the words of the song, for the lyrics reminded me of how unfaithful I had been to the Lord and how I had never devoted my heart to serving Him. My tears flooded into my heart and cleansed my soul. In my early days at the college, I often would pray quietly in tears, asking the Lord to give me strength. The Lord comforted me and helped me to grow daily.

On May 15, medical reports revealed that my wife’s kidneys had regained 5% of their function. The doctors could not believe the findings. Dialysis was still not needed. God is indeed faithful – He let me study in peace by looking after my wife and my children. If I had not decided to come to Panama, perhaps my wife’s health would not have improved. I now understand that when God wants us to do something, He will make arrangements in all the other areas of our lives that we are concerned with. We should always feel grateful toward Him, even when He allows pain to enter our lives, because the suffering brings us closer to Him and allows Him to turn the suffering into blessing.

In the college, I learned how the Lord breaks a life, rearranges it and then nourishes it to allow it to grow. As a pastor, the work is to first change oneself until one has become more like Christ, then use the softening love of God to lead others to Him. I pray that the Lord will make me faithful, and diligent in my service to Him. And I pray that, on the day I graduate, I can place my graduation certificate into the hands of my loving wife.

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Last modified November 21, 2001.

© 2001 Mennonite Brethren Herald.
Published by the Canadian Conference of MB Churches.
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