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The wounds of a friend are faithful

Nils Langhjelm

How many sermons have I heard where the truth has thrilled me, where I have responded with the outward signs of religious zeal, a hearty “amen” and enthusiastic singing – only to remain unchanged? And why is it I can say “Amen” to the most convicting sermons regarding sin, and yet express immediate and intense annoyance at a friend who tries to hold me accountable for my words and deeds? Scripture gives the answer: “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked.”

It is interesting that a believer can be horribly backslidden, go to church, hear a message of repentance, respond by saying all the right things and yet remain unchanged. King David found this out about himself in 2 Samuel 11-12. He committed adultery and tried to cover it up by having the women’s husband killed, thinking that this would solve his problem. As time passed, things appeared to return to normal. David was again at ease.

That is when the prophet Nathan showed up. He preached a rousing message about social injustice regarding a rich man who was not content with his vast wealth and took the little that his neighbour had. It was a great message. David was stirred, and he said all the right things as he displayed his indignation. Now for a hymn and the benediction. David was so hard of heart that he didn’t see the connection between the pastor’s message and his own sin.

The minister wasn’t quite done yet. Nathan was a good friend and a good preacher. He leaned over the pulpit and addressed his audience personally: “David, you are the man.” Time for the altar call.

What was David’s response? He could have had Nathan killed, abusing his power once again. He could have dismissed the matter as something that goes with being a king: “Hey, these things happen.” Instead, David confessed his sin. David sinned greatly, but, when confronted by his friend, he repented greatly and received the forgiveness of God (even though his actions had further consequences).

It is easy to say “Amen” at a distance and play the religious game, deceiving ourselves. But when I am being addressed personally about my sin, my true character will show itself. It is here that I need to remember that the wounds of a friend are faithful (Proverbs 27:6). It is here that I need to realize that discipleship is worked out, not in isolation, but in the community of the saints, the church.

Reading the Bible and listening to sermons can be safe experiences. As long as God remains in His heaven and I do not see Him face to face, as long as there remains the safety of distance, I will not be challenged or changed. I need to make a conscious decision to read my Bible and listen to messages as if God were speaking directly to me.

It is also important to practise the discipline of being accountable to a friend. To be sure, not every sin requires that we phone someone up to confess, but there are times when sin appears to have mastered us and we need help to be freed.

Yet, even this is not enough. When we are trapped in sin, it is not always noticeable to us. Therefore, room must be made to allow our friends to lovingly wound us for our good. We need another person to help point out our blind spots. When David was trapped in sin, he allowed his friend to wound him without retaliating. All of us can learn from his example. “To confess one’s sins to another . . . is to commit oneself to redoubled effort not to lapse that way again. To ask one’s friend to pray that one may be healed . . . is to make oneself accountable for maintaining that commitment on a permanent basis. Few of us, I think, really know the value of accountability relationships in the battle for honest repentance and . . . fighting temptation” (J.I. Packer, Rediscovering Holiness).

Nils Langhjelm is a member of Yarrow (B.C.) MB Church.

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Last modified August 22, 2001.

© 2001 Mennonite Brethren Herald.
Published by the Canadian Conference of MB Churches.
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