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Celebrating singleness

Gilbert G. Brandt

Last winter, the college/career class I lead was discussing marriage, singleness and family. Because I was the only married person in the room, much of the discussion naturally centred on the ideals of theory, not the realities of practice. However, singleness was something the class did know about. They were all facing the practical realities of living away from parents and setting up a household. What role can the church community play in easing the stress this situation may bring? How can the church address this situation?

Wise counsel

Our churches claim they are open to all, whether married or single. Yet, the counselling, the programming and the underlying current seem to favour the married. For instance, many churches speak about being a “family church” with programs for all ages (usually defined in marriage terms). Some have special events for engaged couples; many recognize the birth of children; and virtually all expect engaged couples to attend premarital counselling sessions.

What about singles? Should they not have access to many of the features of such “premarital” counselling? Frequently, such counselling includes practical hints for managing finances, building relationships, setting up a household, etc. Singles, under our present structure, miss all this.

Our class came up with several suggestions to address this oversight. Although not all grade 12 students plan to go away to college or for work, many do. Most are poorly prepared for this responsibility. Therefore, what if the church used the final quarter of the grade 12 Sunday school year (or another appropriate time) for a “pre-fly-the-coop” series of classes? This could include an assortment of topics. The financial management section should help individuals prepare budgets (spending slightly less than income!), suggest how to shop for household items and groceries, and teach responsibility in tithing. Some sessions could include ideas on meal planning and preparation. One session could include the need for building good relationships with others (especially dorm-mates for college-bound people). Part of the course might help students relate positively to their sexuality. At least one session could challenge the students towards spiritual maturity, a faith separate from that of their parents. Each church could include the above and any other topics that seem particularly relevant to its situation and/or its youth group. What a challenge for a church! But what a help to each youth who is facing uncertainties about the future away from the security of home! Such teaching could build a close relationship between the home church and the young person, and could possibly be the cord that keeps the young person connected to faith and the church.

Showers

Another idea that surfaced during the class discussions is a “shower” for high school seniors. Many church groups sponsor showers for engaged couples, providing some basic equipment for setting up a household. Singles are left out of such demonstrations of love. To help balance things somewhat, and to demonstrate that singles are an important part of the church community, why not have a shower for all high school graduates? As mentioned before, some may not be leaving home immediately, but many will. To receive some of the necessities for setting up a household – mixing bowls, dishes, pots and pans, etc. – would be greatly appreciated by those in the throes of making a home of their own. We recognized that some would wonder why they received such items, and might not appreciate them at the time – but once leaving for a place of their own, these young adults would find the practical items to be of great value.

Singleness needs celebration and recognition. Singles are contributing members of our society. We need to be creative in making this rather significant segment of our church community feel loved and valued. Demonstrating Christ’s love in practical ways will go a long way towards having singles respond positively to the challenges of a godly lifestyle.

Singles are a vital part of God’s family. How should we treat them, except with respect and love?

Gilbert G. Brandt is a member of River East MB Church in Winnipeg, Man.

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Last modified July 10, 2001.

© 2001 Mennonite Brethren Herald.
Published by the Canadian Conference of MB Churches.
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