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It takes a crisis

Stephanie

During the past two-and-a-half years, the circumstances of my life have drawn me closer to the Lord. My relationship with Him has grown more during this time than during any other time of my life. It is too bad that many times it takes a crisis to bring us to a point where we put our complete trust in Him and know He has our future in His hands.

As a young girl, I attended Sunday school, was in the junior choir and later the senior choir in the Anglican Church and attended Young People’s. I thought I was a Christian because I was born in Canada and celebrated Christmas.

I fell totally away from the church when I married my husband in 1963. Thirteen years later, I started feeling emptiness in my life, even though we had what I thought to be a pretty good marriage. At age 33, a friend planted a small seed by saying that I should pray about a matter that was discouraging me. I thought to myself, “What would I do that for?” But something made me get down on my knees and say to God. “Do You really exist, who is Jesus, and what is the truth?” To my surprise, I started to hear about Jesus being the Way, the Truth and the Life wherever I turned. I started to see that God the Father and Jesus were real and that Jesus could come into my heart and help me through every situation.

My husband was not very happy about my newfound faith, and I feared that he would leave me if I revealed anything more to him about it. I didn’t know how to put my trust in God in those days. For 22 years, I sought the Lord quietly on my own through His Word and through Christian books, radio and TV. Over the years, my silence and desire to know the Lord more caused a wedge to come between my husband and me, and gradually we grew apart. I prayed for him a great deal, that the Lord would draw him to Himself, but it didn’t seem to be the right time. I have learned that time with God is very different from the way we think about it. We often grow impatient waiting for our prayers to be answered, but we have to learn to trust that His time is perfect. Hebrews 12:1-3 says, “Let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. . . . Consider Him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.”

The Lord gave me 1 Peter 3:1: “Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without talk by the behaviour of their wives.” I felt that this Scripture was meant for me – and I still do.

Life went on much the same until the morning after I had been away for three weeks to visit my parents. My husband and I were walking our dogs as we had done for many years when he informed me that he didn’t want to be here anymore. I didn’t understand what he meant. I was astounded, as I had been so proud that we had just celebrated our 35th wedding anniversary two months before. Numerous questions flowed through my mind: Why? What had I done? We finished our walk, I handed him his sandwich as usual, and away he went. I was in a daze of unbelief as to what had just happened. I didn’t want to believe it until about 8:00 p.m. that evening when I checked under the sundeck where he kept his motorcycles. They were gone. Very little else was missing.

I was in shock for many days and weeks and lost over 25 pounds, but the Lord provided a network of wonderful friends to minister to me and pray with me. As I started thinking back, there were signs of my husband’s unhappiness, but I was too blind to see them or I just didn’t want to see them. My husband kept telling me there was no other person in his life, but about six months later it was revealed to me that he was living with someone else. Again, I was devastated.

Due to some interesting circumstances, I became aware of a ministry called Covenant Keepers. Two days later, I received a call from a friend’s relative informing me that there was a group that met weekly in Abbotsford, B.C. near where I lived. I was given a contact number and called right away. They were having a meeting that night, so I decided to attend.

That was two-and-a-half years ago. I am so thankful to have found a group where everyone is of the same mind as I am – when I said my vows, “For better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death us do part”, I obligated myself to keep those vows, regardless of circumstances.

I have learned so much during this time I am spending alone with the Lord – mostly about love and forgiveness. 1 Corinthians 13:4-6 says, “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, It does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” This Scripture is many times quoted at weddings, yet it is not lived out very well in marriage. This is especially so when one spouse leaves for another person; many people say this kind of love no longer applies.

I have learned through Covenant Keepers and through studying God’s covenant with humanity that He will never leave us nor forsake us. No matter how many times we leave Him and disobey Him, He will always take us back. The family is God’s institution on earth to reveal His great love for us. Ephesians 5:31-32 says that a husband and wife become one flesh and that this relationship is to reflect the relationship of Christ and the church. Malachi 2:14-16 says that the Lord is witness to the covenant made at marriage and that He hates divorce. Right now, my husband is a prodigal son to God and a prodigal husband to me; when he comes home, I will celebrate his return.

The love of God must be taught to people entering into marriage. We are commanded to love our neighbour as ourselves. Who is our neighbour? Would you doubt that our husband or wife is to be included? The key is God’s agape love and the Holy Spirit dwelling in us to enable us to experience this kind of love. Agape love is unconditional love and commitment, regardless of the circumstances.

Ephesians 6:12 says that we struggle “not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil”. Satan comes to destroy what God has created, and what better way than to break down God’s foundation of the family by ripping apart the marriage relationship? When this happens, it not only devastates the partner who has been left but the entire family – sons, daughters, aunts, uncles, cousins and parents. We need to rediscover what God’s Word says about marriage and how we are to love one another with His agape kind of love. We need to disregard the devil’s lies that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. Over there, the grass still has to be mowed, just as it has to be here. We are not fighting our husband or wife or even the other person he or she has been deceived into thinking will make his or her life better. We are fighting spiritual forces of evil who are trying to destroy the family. We must continue the fight with the spiritual armour of the Word of God, prayer and the Holy Spirit, and not lose heart and give up.

Stephanie is a member at North Langley Community Church in Langley, B.C.

Covenant Keepers

Covenant Keepers was founded in 1987 by Marilyn Conrad in Tulsa, Oklahoma to give biblical instruction on separation, divorce and remarriage, particularly in situations where only one partner desires the healing of the marriage and regardless of whether the couple are still together, separated or already divorced. Through a prepared curriculum presented in home groups, as well as other resources, men and women are taught to commit themselves to Jesus and the marriage covenant; to obtain emotional healing; and to face their own failings, allowing God to change them and use them to bring restoration to their marriages. Covenant Keepers has now spread to five other countries. In Canada, there are home groups in Abbotsford, B.C., Burnaby, B.C., Courtenay, B.C., Kamloops, B.C., Kelowna, B.C., Ladner, B.C., Calgary, Edmonton, Regina, Saskatoon, Winnipeg, Thunder Bay, Ont. and Montreal. More information is available from the Covenant Keepers Web page (www.covenantkeepersinc.org). The Canadian director is Gerry Hiebert, Box 2156, Abbotsford, B.C. V2T 3X8, phone (604) 850-5527, e-mail covenant@uniserve.com.

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Last modified August 2, 2001.

© 2001 Mennonite Brethren Herald.
Published by the Canadian Conference of MB Churches.
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