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Sacrificial love: A mother’s perspective

Karen Buschert

Sacrificial love is giving up something for the greater good. It means temporarily losing yourself and your desires to focus on something outside of you. Sacrificial love is a central theme in the Bible. From Abraham being willing to sacrifice his son, to God sacrificing Jesus to save humanity, it’s clear that love goes to extreme lengths.


Since becoming a parent, love has changed me in ways I could never have imagined. It has provoked me, strengthened me and, on most days, left me crumpled in a chair wondering what to make for dinner. I have a much clearer understanding of the magnitude of God’s love for us.

Becoming a parent forces you to give up a lot. Many of these sacrifices you are aware of going into it (losing sleep, a normal social life and the thought of a spotless couch); others catch you completely by surprise.

For me, the biggest sacrifice has been redefining my identity. With the imminent arrival of a second child and hence no spare time or energy to remember who I am, I feel very much the servant. I no longer have the luxury just to be me; I feel a part of me has gone away, at least for a while. My generation was taught above all to be yourself, follow your dreams, do what makes you happy. I had great dreams for myself.

Ten years ago, at an end-of-year college banquet, we were to come dressed as what we thought we’d be in 10 years. I came in field clothes with binoculars and a bird guide – I envisioned myself as an intrepid explorer. Two of my friends came barefoot and pregnant. (You know how I turned out. Neither of them yet has children.)

A large portion of my identity was tied in with my career goals. I wanted to enjoy my work and be paid reasonably for it. My choice to stay at home to raise children was based partly on the frustration of not having achieved this, but also on the desire to give my children the best that I had.

Staying at home is not an easy decision. You sacrifice money, career prospects and a sense of self-reliance. Our society is unsupportive, the extended family that once offered support is fast disappearing, kids are targets for marketing gimmicks, and the term “housewife” is virtually a joke.

Our culture rewards success, not duty or sacrifice. Success for me is getting one major thing done by the end of the day and multi-tasking five smaller things simultaneously. I find comfort in Proverbs 16:3: “Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed.”

Freedom is another thing sacrificed as a result of having children. No longer are you at liberty to leave the house whenever you want. Any time away from the kids revolves around finding childcare. Breastfeeding an infant makes a mother even more aware of this loss of freedom. Time becomes warped – walking to the park, normally a five-minute jaunt, stretches into 20 when Theo goes under his own steam.

Taking my child out in public also means confronting all those barriers that I never noticed before. Accessing most buildings with a stroller is difficult, and often I am forced to change a baby on the dirty floor of a bathroom because there’s no change table. I have a greater empathy for people coping with disabilities or mobility problems now that I am a parent. I realize how much I took my childless state of freedom for granted.

Sacrificial love also means discipline. Proverbs 29:17 states: “Discipline your son, and he will give you peace; he will bring delight to your soul.” Without discipline, a child never learns self-control, right from wrong or respect for others. Yet, discipline is hard work – always trying to be consistent in your expectations, redirecting negative behaviour, punishing your child when he does something unacceptable. I cling to the hope that my children will live up to another Proverb: “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it” (22:6).

What I have sacrificed – my independence, my preconceptions about my identity and some of my dreams pales in comparison to the love I have gained for my family. I have found the power of this love surprising. Like a mother bear, I would do anything to protect my child against harm. The vengeful acts of God portrayed in the Old Testament are easier to understand in this context.

Conversely, the power of this love manifests itself in almost inexpressible joy. I am in awe when I observe my son just being himself. My heart bursts when he eagerly gives me a hug.

Although I have given up independence, I have gained interdependence. Sacrificial love extends to the extended family and to the community. I am fortunate to be a part of a circle of friends with young children. From this, I have gained insight into the idea of community as we comfort each other’s children, swap babysitting favours and are there for each other in joys and sorrows.

Sacrificial love requires you to give up what you love (or what you thought you loved) most, with the reward not always clear or immediate. It is a denial of self-serving interests and the most dramatic expression of love possible.

This article is based on a sermon delivered at Point Grey Inter-Mennonite Fellowship in Vancouver May 7, 2000, and was previously published in Canadian Mennonite. Karen Buschert and her husband Geoff Vanderkooy now have two children Theo, 3 and Miranda, 10 months.

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Last modified June 5, 2001.

© 2001 Mennonite Brethren Herald.
Published by the Canadian Conference of MB Churches.
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