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EDITORIAL
Spiritual depression

Jim Coggins

In the fall of 1973, I fell into a serious depression that lasted for over six months. That depression consumed the greater part of the year I spent working on a Master’s degree at McMaster University. (How I managed to earn the degree I will never know.) In the process, I learned a lot about depression and other things.

1. Depression can result from a faulty perspective.

My depression was triggered by the break-up of my relationship with a girlfriend. That in itself should not have resulted in depression, but I discovered that, even though I had been a Christian for quite a few years, my life had become focused on my girlfriend rather than on God. I had let my spiritual life slip, and when she departed, it seemed I did not have much left to live for. Since that time, I have learned that it is only in putting God absolutely first that we can receive the grace to really love other people.

2. Depression feeds on itself.

My depression soon took on a life of its own. I became depressed about a whole series of issues unrelated to the initial trigger. I was depressed about the widespread suffering in the world, about the hollowness of political ideologies, about whether I would ever be able to earn a living over the course of a whole lifetime. Knowing what I know now, I assume that the initial depression caused a change in the chemistry of my brain that then led to further depression. I did not know any of that then. I only knew that I was depressed and life was hard.

3. One inch from disaster is perfectly safe when you are in God’s hands.

After several months, one day I was praying for deliverance. I said, “Lord, I can’t take much more of this.” An answer came immediately. It was not the answer I had expected or had been praying for. The answer was: “Why not?” It was then that I realized that while I was desperate, God was not. He was still in absolute control. While He had allowed me to be carried to the brink of despair, He could keep me on that brink (or anywhere else for that matter) in absolute safety forever. He was not worried that He might drop me. My safety lay in His power not the fragile state of my own mental health. It was a tremendous reassurance in a desperate time.

4. God is the ultimate source of healing.

There are many resources to help those suffering from depression, including counselling, drugs and other medical help. I knew none of that then. I didn’t even know that what I was suffering had an official name. I told no one about my problem; I suppose my depression was too severe for me even to be able to discuss it. Ultimately, I did the only thing that I was sure could help: I prayed, fervently and desperately, for deliverance.

One evening, I went to see a friend, a Christian and a university professor. He was a very insightful man. That evening, he talked enthusiastically about many subjects, yet he did not seem to notice that I was depressed, and there never seemed to be an opening for me to raise the subject. As I was leaving, I noticed a book on the end of his bookshelf by the door, at about eye level. It was D. Martyn Lloyd-Jones’s Spiritual Depression: Its Causes and Cure, a series of sermons Lloyd-Jones had preached on various aspects of depression. I blurted out, “Can I borrow this book?”

That book was a Godsend. Reading through it, I came to a better understanding of depression, of myself and of God. One Sunday evening, I happened to go to a church I was not in the habit of attending. The pastor preached on “Fear of the Future” from 2 Timothy 1:7: “For God has not given us the spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind” (KJV). It was just the message I needed to hear, and it spoke to me powerfully. At home afterward, I decided to read the next chapter of Lloyd-Jones’s book before going to bed. It was called “Fear of the Future” and was based on 2 Timothy 1:7. The preacher had taken his sermon virtually word for word from the book. I do not approve of preachers taking their sermons from books without admitting the source. Yet, I can’t help but wonder if God had had His hand in this somewhere, arranging for me to hear just the message I needed to hear, twice on the same evening. It was not the end of all of my depression, but it was the major turning point. I was overwhelmed that God would arrange this special message for me. Life became much easier, and in time I recovered fully. Although I have struggled with periodic moments of mild depression, I have never fallen into such a deep depression since.

Looking back, I realize it was foolish of me not to ask for help. Yet, through this experience, I learned a powerful lesson: Whether God chooses to heal through counselling, medical help, drugs, friends, family, church or prayer, it is still God who ultimately brings all healing.

5. Good things can come from bad things such as depression.

In all things, God works to bring good (Romans 8:28), and this is true also of depression. The great Protestant Reformer Martin Luther suggested that only those who had gone through the deep waters of despair and depression could fully understand the saving power of God. In my own case, this experience taught me that God could be trusted to carry me through absolutely anything. It has also made me more sensitive to other people’s struggles.

Shortly after my experience with depression, the college and career group was asked to lead an evening service in the church I was attending, and I was asked to speak. I chose as my topic “A broken and contrite heart, O God, You will not despise” (Psalm 51:17). I described some of my experience with depression and suggested that only when we understand how deeply we need God will we really be willing to open ourselves up to receiving His power. Many people came to me afterward and talked of their own struggles. On the basis of that message, I was asked to become teacher of the college and career class, and I discovered teaching gifts I never knew I had.

God did not cause my depression. That came from the common fallenness of humanity, my faulty perspective, my failure to stay close to God, some difficult experiences and some changes in my body’s chemistry. Yet God allowed that depression, and ultimately used it for good.

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Last modified March 6, 2001.

© 2001 Mennonite Brethren Herald.
Published by the Canadian Conference of MB Churches.
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