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A matter of choice

Beatrice Klassen

“I couldn’t help it! He just made me so mad!” she fumed, defending the angry words she had flung at her fellow church member just a few moments earlier. She had stamped out of the committee room after having sat for a time in angry silence, her face clearly showing her feelings. Finally, the volcanic temper had exploded, covering everyone in the room with the toxic ashes of her words.

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In this article, I want to put forth some ideas that may help us to examine ourselves, our actions and our reactions, particularly in relation to anger. In order to make necessary corrections, it is sometimes helpful to analyze why we act the way we do.

What moves us to anger? There are two basic causes:

When God’s will and way have been disobeyed. When my own will and way have been frustrated.

Believe it or not, the two are not always the same.

Although we cannot hear the tone of voice Jesus used when He was speaking to the Pharisees and when He cleared out the temple, it is often assumed that He was angry. If He was, it was not because He was personally being abused or disregarded; it was because God’s way and will was being trampled upon. It was a controlled anger that prompted action toward change for the better. The Old Testament also speaks of God being angry with the people of Israel when they repeatedly disobeyed His will.

Sometimes we become angry because God’s ways are being defied. For instance, when we see others being abused, oppressed or threatened in any way, we should be moved to take action that will bring about change. If it is anger that prompts us, it should be controlled anger – the kind where all information is carefully processed and where action is prayerfully considered before being carried through.

Lest we think that justified anger justifies, we need to understand that just because such anger may be well motivated, it does not necessarily follow that all resulting action will be in line with God’s will. We may still lash out with sinful actions or words if we are in the habit of living reactively. One example might be pro-life advocates who become angry at the murder of unborn children. Such anger may be defensible, but if in reaction they strike back with threats, bombings, murder of abortionists, etc., their anger has produced results as sinful as those they are protesting. Or we may become angry at the man who abused his wife, voice our first thoughts and tell him what a terrible person he is, likely cutting off all future opportunity to help. That angry response does nothing to change the situation for the better. For good purpose, we are told: “In your anger, do not sin” (Ephesians 4:26).

Sometimes the greatest difficulty for anger-prone people is the tendency to react before all the information is in. They haven’t disciplined themselves to listen with their minds and hearts to what people are really saying. Or they assume they know what has happened or what is going to be said and they are too impatient to wait. Reactions based on assumptions or incomplete information and understanding are often faulty and harmful. Solomon warns us: “He who answers before listening – that is his folly and his shame” (Proverbs 18:13). And let us not forget the words of James: “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry” (James 1:19). Taking time to really listen is an act of love, and reacting in love in all situations is more important than being proven right.

We would like to think our anger is usually motivated by noble intent. However, it is more often the second reason that moves us to anger: when my own will and way have been frustrated. If our hearts are turned toward self, they may react in anger when our personal needs are not met, when we do not get what we want or when things are not done the way we want them done. For many, this is not controlled anger. They lash out with angry words as they set someone straight, or with reactive actions reminiscent of a child in tantrum mode – the fist banged on the table, the foot stamped. Do you think Christians don’t behave that way? They do. Living reactively, their anger drives them past the point of logic and objectivity to wrong thinking and wrong action. Things are said or done that hurt others or even fracture a relationship. This is the reaction of natural human beings, not regenerated human beings. I believe anger (not just the acting out of that anger) that is generated by self is sin.

Self is at the base of all sin. Satan used that tactic in the Garden of Eden, appealing to the gratification of the human nature. He is still pretty successful in that area. High school physics taught me that two objects cannot occupy the same space at exactly the same instant. The same is true in my thought life. If I am focused on my own need, my own way, my own feelings, if self is at the centre of my thinking, I will not be focused on Christ’s way or the needs and feelings of others. In Romans 8:5, 8, Paul says, “Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. . . . Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God.”

Scripture has a great deal to say about not allowing our anger to control us. “A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control” (Proverbs 29:11). “An angry man stirs up dissension, and a hot-tempered one commits many sins” (Proverbs 29:22). “Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools” (Ecclesiastes 7:9). I get the idea that godly attitudes and angry behaviour are not often congenial partners.

Like the lady who stamped out of the committee meeting, we sometimes find ourselves excusing our behaviour with the words or the thought “I couldn’t help it.” Perhaps that makes us feel better, but is it true? Does shifting the focus from our behaviour to the fault of the other person really make it acceptable? Most of us would agree that it does not, yet it is still a common justification.

Like many issues in life, how we act when we are angry is a choice. To admit we could have acted differently puts the responsibility directly on our own shoulders. To say we couldn’t help it gives others more control over us than they should have or really do have. People and situations may evoke a certain initial response, but it does not need to linger, and we do not need to act on that first response. Our attitudes and behaviour should come about, not as a response to other people or circumstances, but rather as a response to God. Then we can be certain our attitudes and behaviours will be in line with God’s will and God’s way.

Learning to be thoughtful rather than reactive in our responses is a discipline that we can, with God’s help, learn. Peter reminds us that “His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and goodness. Through these He has given us His very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires” (2 Peter 1:3-4).

If we struggle in this area, perhaps we can learn to pull back and ask ourselves some simple questions that will help us see ourselves as God sees us and to make the necessary changes:

Does my anger lead me to say or do things that I later regret (or should regret)? Has my anger ever hurt another person or led to a fractured relationship? Do I sometimes say or think, “I couldn’t help it”? Does my anger control me, or do I control it? When I become angry, is my focus on self or on Christ? Does my anger prompt me to prayerfully consider what I can do to right a wrong done to others? Do I become angry when I do not get my own way or when others ignore my opinions or needs? Is Christ pleased with how I express my feelings of anger?

Can’t help it? When we admit our need, our frequent lack of ability to control ourselves, we need to give control over to the Holy Spirit and claim the power that Christ makes available for life and godliness.

Beatrice Klassen is a counsellor in Niagara Falls, Ont.

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Last modified October 20, 2000.

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