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A vague faith?

Jean Green

I’m a retired registered nurse who four years ago did only private nursing. I had a patient named Anna who was mother to one of our church elders, Bill Friesen. Nursing her for three years was truly a blessing, for she was a lovely example of a person who really walked with God. Towards her end, it got to be a daily routine for me to say, “Please Mrs. Friesen, if you don’t eat, you’ll die, and I’ll be left here all alone. I’ll miss you so much.” She grew tired of this saying, and one day she said to me sternly, “Then you come.”

I suppose I was no different from anybody else. I believed Jesus died for me and rose again. I knew He went to make a place for me. I tried very hard to walk in His ways. But until February 8, 1996, I had only a vague faith, and a vague faith can never fill us with joy. We’ll always have many doubts and secret fears.

On February 8, 1996, I woke up around 2:00 a.m. thinking I had a bad case of indigestion. In no time, I went into a severe cardiac arrest. By the time the ambulance got me to the emergency room, I was in and out of consciousness. I was put on a life support machine, which kept the blood flowing to my brain, and was given an injection to bring me around long enough for one of the doctors to talk to me. He told me there was a new machine which had been proved to be 90% effective, but they had to have my permission to use it.

Looking into his eyes, I said, “If not, I die?”

He said yes.

A calm warm feeling came over me. My reply was. “My body is in God’s hands. If it’s His will, so be it. And you do what you have to.”

As I was closing my eyes, I heard his voice say, “Good decision.”


Immediately, I felt a hand on my left wrist, and I heard a voice saying, “Come with me.“ I could not see her or her hand, but I knew who it was. It was Anna Friesen. I could feel her laughing at the shocked look on my face. We were walking in the most beautiful park, with evergreen and maple trees everywhere. And the grass, I have never seen such beautiful shades of green. The air was filled with joy, happiness and love.

As I was looking around the beautiful scenery, the thought hit me that I had to go back and tell others about what I was seeing. As I thought this, Anna let go of my hand, and I heard a man’s voice yell, “Put another nitroglycerin capsule under her tongue.”

I heard nothing more until a nurse said “Mrs. Green, do you know who is holding your hand? Bill Friesen is here.”

Sure enough, he was, I felt a message flow through my body from his mother. It was so strong that I just had to tell him, but I couldn’t because they had a tube down my throat. I motioned to the nurse, showing that I wanted to write. She gave me a pen and paper right away. I had trouble steering my hand, but I wrote to tell Bill that I had seen his mother and she had said for him not to be afraid.

Now, I can never be the same. It was a beautiful experience, but it left me feeling a stranger in my own home. I was asked why God let me have that experience. It could be that when I was faced with the reality of death, that was a test of my faith in God. Then, many heard me surrender to my Creator. This witness has led to three nurses committing their lives to Christ. I have a strange, strong urge to yell from the tops of mountains, so all can hear and understand that there is nothing to fear. It’s natural for us humans to be fearful of the unknown, for we were created to glorify and praise God, not to die. But because our first parents sinned in Eden, we have to die in order to live.

I now understand Romans 12:2 better. I’m living in this world, but I don’t feel I’m of this world. I see everybody I meet with different eyes, with love, and the hope that somehow the Holy Spirit will help them feel the love, peace and beauty He has for each of us.

If I’ve learned anything from my experience, it’s that the Lord is with us if we falter. He is with us if we fail. He is with us when we break, and He can help make us whole. I’ve also learned that all life is a blessing.

Jean Green is a member of Central Heights MB Church in Abbotsford, B.C.

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Last modified October 2, 2000.

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