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Defining boundaries for freedom

Merrill Unger

Freedom Fences: How to set limits that free you to enjoy your marriage and family
Gerald W. Kaufman, L. Marlene Kaufman, Anne Kaufman Weaver, Nina Kaufman Harnish. Scottdale, Pa./Waterloo, Ont.: Herald Press, 1999. 257 pp. $20.79.

Humankind, suggest the Kaufmans, has an intrinsic need for freedom. In a world that contains unlimited opportunities for freedom, positive and negative, we have become unsure where the fences are. Youth found a voice in the protest movement during the Vietnam War, and moral authority has been up for grabs ever since. Our world is in trouble on many fronts. We have become reluctant to define boundaries.

Real freedom, they say, is expressed in contained living, a healthy balance between freedom and structure. “Freedom only has value when it has constraints. Not the constraints of autocracy, but the social and spiritual code that comes from community discernment under the guidance of the Holy Spirit.”

Each chapter of this book expands the specific topics that relate to this fenced freedom: marriage (including issues of permanence, conflict and roles), lifestyle (addressing the use of resources, recreation, entertainment and health) and work (discussing its impact on marriage, family and personal burnout). “No outside job,” suggest the Kaufmans, “no matter how important, has the right to demand excessive time.” Family, time and spirituality are also thoroughly addressed.

Each chapter ends with specific suggestions regarding the practicalities of living out the balanced life, and a helpful guide for discussion in groups or families.

This book begins with too much doom and gloom, but redeems itself as the chapters progress, and emerges in a nicely balanced treatment of the subject. It is biblically based and “intentionally unpsychological”. It does not assume traditional roles. It uses broad resources and memorable metaphors. It is a challenging read, calling us to accountability and balance.

Merrill Unger works as a contract counsellor with Cornerstone Counselling Service in Winnipeg.

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Last modified September 19, 2000.

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