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The faces of AIDS

Helen Grace Lescheid

John and Susan Chalkias and their children Johnny, P.J., Karalee and Brydan.

Susan and John Chalkias

In 1995 Susan Chalkias, a member of Cedar Valley Mennonite Church in Mission, B.C., heard about Canadian missionary Avis Rideout’s dream of opening a home for HIV/AIDS babies in Chiang Mai, northern Thailand. Avis and Roy Rideout, missionaries in Thailand for 16 years, had adopted Nikki, a two-year-old Thai orphan with full-blown AIDS. Through prayer and loving care, the youngster made a remarkable recovery. During Nikki’s convalescence, Avis promised God that if He’d give her one seed, she’d open a home for other babies like Nikki. “The seed I asked for is Nikki,” she wrote. “The start-up cost of a home is $17,000.”

The idea fired Susan’s imagination. She and seven other mothers from local B.C. churches held bake sales, door-to-door bottle drives and fundraising banquets, and sold handcrafted jewellery from Thailand. In one year, “Nikki’s Seed Society”, as the group of mothers became known, raised $24,629.

“Agape Home” opened on May 3, 1996, directed by Avis Rideout. To date, 90 babies have slept in the blue and pink cribs lining the walls. Paid Thai nannies and volunteers from other countries care for the babies’ needs and give them plenty of cuddling. A child sponsorship program has been developed. About 30% of the babies who are admitted, die of AIDS-related diseases. Babies who test negative after admission are adopted out to good homes; a small percentage go back to their own homes. (It is estimated that about 80% of AIDS babies clear themselves of HIV when their mother’s antibodies leave naturally after 18 months.)

Children at Agape Home

Susan, 35 and John, 39, wanted to do more than raise money for AIDS babies. On October 7, 1997 their family of five boarded a Korean Air jet with 20 hockey bags stuffed with diapers, bottles, formula and other supplies; a six-seat stroller; Jolly Jumpers; and eight cheques totalling $20,000.

Baby Lek When Susan Chalkias and Avis Rideout attended the funeral of an AIDS baby named Lek, the funeral was conducted in his home by a Buddhist monk. Lek’s tiny, 20-month-old body was laid out on a small, stained mattress crawling with ants. Lek’s mother, consumed with grief, was wailing loudly. Like so many Thai women with AIDS, she’d been shunned by her family and acquaintances. In contrast, Agape Home had assisted her in caring for her youngster. After the Buddhist ceremony, which she’d agreed to in order to appease her family, the mother implored Avis and Susan to take the baby’s body to Agape Home so that he might have a Christian burial. In the days that followed, Lek’s mother’s continued to be wracked by grief, compounded by guilt. “I killed my baby,” Seaphun wailed. “I gave him AIDS.” “What can we do to help her find peace?” Susan wondered. Then she came upon a plan. Why not find her another boy to mother? Susan knew exactly who that would be: a six-year-old boy who’d been found in the jungle beside his dead parents, too weak to walk or dress or feed himself. It was a perfect match. Under Seaphun’s loving care, the boy began to eat and gain weight. (He weighed only 18 lbs. when they got him.) Every day she’d coax him to take a few more steps. The boy became strong and healthy, and Seaphun found a reason to live again.

For three months, the family joined other volunteers working at Agape Home. For Susan, who would manage the home for six months in 1998, it was also hands-on training in administration and leadership.

“We are nobody special. We’re just an ordinary family,” says John. “Susan home-schools the kids, and I work at Serca Foods. But we figured we could make a difference for these poor kids and teach our own to respect others.”

There was work for the whole family: Mom fed, held and cuddled babies. Dad did odd jobs. Daughters Brydan, 7, and Karalee, 6, and son P.J., 5, helped around the nursery and played with the children.

During the first week of their stay, Susan watched four babies die. The death of baby Lek was the most traumatic. (See sidebar.)

Baby Doaw – a “skeleton with skin wrapped around” – was dying in an overcrowded, understaffed government hospital. She was brought to Agape Home, where the ratio of staff to patients is one to three. Every time Doaw heard a voice, she’d raise her pencil-thin arms begging for a hug, and her wish was always granted. “She died six days later, knowing what love is,” Susan says. Since that first week, Susan has lost count of the number of children she’s kissed goodbye.

“We’re sometimes asked, ‘Why spend your time with dying kids?’ ” Susan says. “We want to love these precious children for the short time they have, and to make sure they never, ever die alone.” Nevertheless, Agape Home is not about children dying, but about teaching dying children how to really live. The staff aims to give children experiences that are found in a child’s ordinary day, like a trip to the Dairy Queen or to a park. One day, Susan dressed up five older girls aged 4-7, painted their nails and fixed their hair with bows, then took them and two little boys home for a pyjama party. They rented the video Beauty and the Beast in the Thai language. Every birthday is celebrated with a cake and appropriate games.

Almost from the start, Susan fell in love with an 18-month-old, mischievous, curly-haired baby named Prem. She wanted to adopt the boy, who had been abandoned at birth. “He’ll fit really well into our family,” she said. “He even looks a lot like Karalee.” Fortunately, Prem’s HIV positive tests had turned negative on his first birthday, meaning that after adoption the family would be able to bring him to Canada. Susan and John processed the boy’s paperwork through Hope Adoption Services in Abbotsford, B.C. Yet, Immigration Canada refused to accept the application since John’s income for 1997 did not reach the level required to qualify for sponsorship. The distraught couple appealed to their MLA. Nine months later, permission was granted, and Prem, who’s now named Johnny, was brought to Canada.

Today Nikki’s Seed is managed by a board of eight dedicated, hardworking members. Besides Agape Home in Thailand, they sponsor an orphanage in Mexico and are exploring the possibility of starting a third one in Zambia. Why children with HIV/AIDS? “Because they need love and they’re precious,” Susan says. “God loves them, and we want to do what God wants.”

Darrell Gould

Darrell and Barb Gould

Darrell, 37, and Barb, 31, sit in a café in Abbotsford eating breakfast after an early morning fishing trip on the Fraser River. Darrell is a big, barrel-chested man weighing 275 pounds with a healthy glow on his face. It seems hard to imagine that only three years ago Darrell lay on his deathbed, his emaciated 125-pound body ravaged by full-blown AIDS. “I feel great,” he smiles. “My tests are better, and my body shows no symptoms of AIDS.”

Asked what he attributes his good health to, he grins. “Prayer and vitamins.”

Darrel was raised in a loving, supportive Christian home. His father and brother are pastors, and his sister is married to a pastor.

“I wanted to experience life for myself,” he says, “so I left home when I was 13.” Darrell got mixed up with the wrong crowd, and before long he was abusing drugs and alcohol. For the next 20-plus years, he lived the fast life in Vancouver and other cities in Canada. He chose not to have any contact with his family, but his family never gave up on him. All those years, they kept praying for him.

At different times, Darrell tried to stay clean. He went to AA meetings, and a couple of times he entered a drug rehabilitation centre, but he was never ready to take the steps suggested to him. “I’d hear the word ‘God’ and be out of there,” he says.

Twelve years ago, Darrell was diagnosed as HIV positive. “One mistake is all it took,” he says. “I used contaminated needles and got the virus.” Four years ago, he developed full-blown AIDS, which has put him on his “deathbed” three times.

In June 1996, he was hospitalized for 11 weeks. Too weak to walk, he was in a wheelchair. His weight had plummeted. His prognosis was poor. “You’ll be lucky if you live until Christmas,” he was told.

During this time, Darrell met Barb, who regularly visited him in hospital and later in his apartment. One day, she found Darrell in a stupor, his mind crazed with morphine and alcohol. “I saw no reason to live,” Darrell says, “and kept on abusing drugs.” When Barb took him to a walk-in clinic, the doctor predicted he wouldn’t live until morning. “He can’t die alone,” Barb thought, “I’ll take him home.” For five days, she watched Darrell go through agonizing withdrawal symptoms.

One morning, Darrell asked her, “What day is it?”

“Sunday, September 8.”

“Isn’t this the day of the Christian concert at Rotary Stadium”?

Barb was shocked that Darrel remembered. He had been invited weeks ago, but as he did with gospel tracts people would leave him, he had tossed aside the invitation.

“Do you want to go?” he asked.

They went. During the concert, sponsored by Northview Community Church, two Christian bands played, and Jaci Velasquez sang. At one point, Jaci said, “The next song I’m going to sing, I wrote for my friend. Both she and her baby have AIDS.”

The words struck Darrell as though God Himself had spoken to him. Pierced to the heart, Darrell thought, “If I’m going to die, I’ve got to make things right with God.” Hurriedly, they left the concert and drove to a church where Darrell had made a few cursory visits. They arrived at the close of a meeting. A man approached them and said, “I feel God is leading me to speak with you. Is there anything I can do for you?” Soon Darrell committed his life to Christ.

“Not everything changed that night,” Darrell says. “But immediately I had an insatiable desire to read the Bible. The love of God overwhelmed me. Whereas before I had never felt like I belonged, now I wanted to be part of a Christian fellowship.”

“My walk with God is a process, a journey,” he continues. “When you fall back, you need a Christian who can pick you up, dust you off and set you on the path again. Barb was that person for me. In time, habits begin to drop off.”

Darrell and Barb’s friendship blossomed into romance, and the couple was married in August 1998. Barb continues to work in a local hospital and to teach first aid and CPR. Darrell is a full-time student at a small, private school taking a life skills coach training program so that he can be more effective in working with other people. The husband and wife team share a passion to reach out to people who battle addiction and AIDS.

Darrell keeps busy in AA meetings, and has spoken at seminars, treatment centres and nurses’ training classes. Frequently, he has opportunities to speak to persons infected with or affected by HIV/AIDS, sometimes taking them home until other arrangements can be made. The Goulds find support and fellowship in the Langley (B.C.) Vineyard church.

Terry Kasdorf

Pete, Dena and Terry Kasdorf

Dena and Pete Kasdorf sit over coffee around a table in a bright kitchen, with their 40-year-old son, Terry, who has active AIDS.

In the fall of 1995, Terry attended Kwantlen College, Vancouver. During the first quarter, he excelled in his difficult computer programming course. In the second quarter, however, he lost the ability to concentrate, and began to fail his subjects. He became very ill and was rushed to St. Paul’s Hospital in Vancouver. Soon he was diagnosed with full-blown AIDS. MRIs revealed brain lesions. Besides not being able to think clearly, he suffered terrifying hallucinations. He lost his peripheral vision and the ability to walk. Terry was given two weeks to live and went home to die.

“When Terry first came home from hospital, we wore gloves and didn’t want to eat off dishes he’d used,” says his father. “We read everything on AIDS. Now that we know what precautions to take, we’re much more relaxed.”

“Seeing Terry so ill made me very angry,” says his mother. “Terry was brought up in a Christian home, but he wandered away. ‘Why would you do this to yourself?’ I fumed. But in time I came to realize Terry was suffering enough. He didn’t need me to beat on him.”

One lunchtime, Terry suffered a terrifying hallucination. He left the table and, using a walker, shuffled off to his room. His mother and his aunt, who was visiting at the time, followed him. Taking control of the situation, they prayed a prayer of deliverance for Terry. The evil powers left him. Terry called out to God, and he was delivered.

Through prayer, powerful medications and magnetic therapy, Terry has made a remarkable recovery. He now walks slowly without assistance. He still has trouble remembering and expressing himself. He tires easily; a little bit of yard work, and he’s wiped out for a couple of days. Because he has lost his peripheral vision, he cannot count change or catch a ball. (His father related some of Terry’s past victories as a gifted baseball player.) Despite these limitations, Terry maintains a cheerful attitude, often expressing a delightful sense of humour in practical jokes. The faith that he and his parents have in God is remarkable.

What has sustained them?

“My parents are very supportive,” Terry says. He attends Christians In AIDS, a support group working out of Vancouver, which meets quarterly. In a caring, accepting atmosphere, he studies the Bible with two couples.

Dena has found wonderful support in her family and in Mennonite Central Committee workers Ruth Thiessen and Carol Ballard.

Paul and Carolyn Couillard

Paul and Carolyn Couillard

Ten days after his marriage to Carolyn on June 15, 1985, Paul Couillard found out that he had tested positive for HIV. Although given a choice, Carolyn wouldn’t hear of a marriage annulment. Whatever time they would have together – between 18 months and two years, they figured – they would spend together.

“AIDS forced us to live one day at a time and to savour the daily gifts that God brought to us,” writes Paul. “We found in each other someone for whom the grace of God is the most important, ever-astonishing aspect of life.”

As AIDS progressed, Paul relinquished his career as an architect, and his involvement in the community and his church diminished. In a deeply insightful essay entitled “Valley Walking,” Paul describes this time of being near-death as a “holy time.” “I have struggled with being gay through much of my life, especially during the 25 years that I have been a Christian,” he writes. “But I’d been hiding my sexuality. Now, seeking to be transparent before God, I became honest. In time, Carolyn and I went public with our struggles with AIDS.”

Eleven years after Paul’s diagnosis, he faced a most unexpected turn in his journey. Powerful new drugs, called protease inhibitors, were able to contain the spread of the AIDS virus. His health began to improve dramatically.

“I celebrate the new life God has given me,” he writes. “Yet, I’m still groping my way along this road back – me with a university education, a supportive partner, a lovely home, and an adequate income. For those without these benefits and a host of problems on top, the challenge is greater.”

Paul has gone back to work part-time for the architectural firm where he was employed before. He and his wife are members of Kitsilano Christian Community in Vancouver. As an evangelical Christian, he’s an impassioned speaker and writer about the grace of God in his life.

“My pilgrimage through AIDS has been the most rewarding time of my life,” he writes. “AIDS has underscored the power and hope of the gospel and revealed the grace and mercy of Jesus Christ in a way I never knew before. I could wish nothing less for the church.”

Ruth and Art Thiessen

Ruth Thiessen, Carol Ballard

Mennonite Central Committee believes that Christ calls Christians to reach out to all people in need, not only to those who are comfortable to reach. Accordingly, in September 1990, Mennonite Central Committee British Columbia appointed Ruth Thiessen, a member of Bakerview MB Church, as HIV/AIDS education coordinator. Ruth worked diligently for nine years, promoting AIDS awareness and a compassionate Christian response to people infected with and affected by the virus. She compiled two educational resources:

HIV/AIDS a Christian Response, a book containing informative articles on AIDS, and stirring first-person experience stories of persons with AIDS and their caregivers. The book has been widely distributed through other MCC offices throughout North America and to many locations around the world. An AIDS resource library of audiocassette tapes, videos, books and pamphlets, housed in the MCC office in Abbotsford, B.C.

Ruth also formed two support groups: Valley AIDS Network, now chaired by Theresa Scheckel, and Christians in AIDS (CIA), which meets in Vancouver every other month.

As people learned of MCC B.C.’s AIDS program, Ruth received many invitations to speak in churches, schools, Christian ministries and secular agencies.

Carol Ballard

Carol Ballard of Chilliwack, B.C. replaced Thiessen as AIDS education coordinator in August 1999, after Art and Ruth Thiessen moved to Botswana. (The Thiessens are on a three-year MCC assignment there, working with the Botswana Christian AIDS Intervention Program.) In addition to the two support groups mentioned above, Carol has coordinated two additional support groups in Abbotsford: one for caregivers and another for persons living with the virus and their significant support persons. Moreover, she offers one-on-one support where necessary and provides information and resources on HIV/AIDS to individuals and groups. Carol will also be networking with community organizations such as Valley AIDS Network, Hummingbird Kids Society (she’s on the board of directors) and Umoja (an initiative of the National Congress of Black Women Foundation). Carol hopes to have a network of churches to which she can refer clients, knowing that they will find support and practical help there.

Helen Grace Lesheid is a freelance writer in Abbotsford, B.C. and a member of South Abbotsford MB Church.

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Last modified December 6, 1999.

© 1999 Mennonite Brethren Herald.
Published by the Canadian Conference of MB Churches.
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